NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

part 10

N A N D I N I

The ride to his home was pretty quiet after that as I was lost in my own thoughts and he was giving me my space gladly. The silence was kind of uncomfortable but that was common with the fact that we don't know eachother much.

I cleared my throat to grab his attention and when he turned to me giving his full attention, I smiled slightly and asked "when are we reaching?"

He smiled softly and answered "in half a n hour." He took a pause before rolling up the window between the front seats and back seats of the car and suddenly nervousness seeped into my veins as I clutched my lehenga slightly trying to comprehend what he wanted to say.

The soft look in his face disappeared as he looked at me seriously making me flinch slightly.

"Nandini" oh god his voice is so raspy that I couldn't concentrate on his face or his words but his voice. Urgh Nandini concentrate.

I scolded myself mentally and looked at me who was looking at me with a serious look on his face, his lips in a thin line and frown on his forehead as he looked like he was having second thoughts.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly and looked at him in his eyes trying to be brave and a surprised look crossed his face and disappeared in a fraction of a second.

I thought I assumed it but I dismissed it with a wave as he open his mouth to say something.

He closed his mouth again and furrowed his brows before he shook his head and said "see Nandini, in a relationship, I expect the other person to trust me and don't backstab me by cheating or anything. You loved a guy before and that was your choice. I couldn't do anything in that but now you are married to me."

He paused and took a deep breath as I felt tears brimming in my eyes at the mention of Madhyam.

He changed so drastically in four months but I know he was just scared of losing me.

"There will be people looking up to you, wanting to meet you and know you, some people would even dig up your past to make you look bad in public and that goes on with a lot of shit. If you have second thoughts about marriage, don't get out of the car when we reach home." Another pause.

"If you did, I'll think that you want to give me and this marriage a chance and I know I won't let you regret. And if you didn't get down, the driver will drop you back to your home and you don't need to come back. I'll send you the divorce papers in six months because that will be the legal time for a divorce."

My heart dropped. It's not even a few hours that we got married and he is already talking about divorce? Even though I am not liking this marriage, divorce feels so wrong.

"But if you come inside home now and play tricks, I swear you don't want to be the other end of my anger and when I say it, I'll be a monster. My mom loved you in an instant when she saw your picture and the way her eyes sparkled, I could do anything for those." I felt the possessiveness deep in my bones.

"If you want to wear modern dresses and anything and everything you want, you are free to do anything and I mean it but never ever break my trust and go back to Madhyam. Understand?"

He told and I bobbed my head slightly and turned my head away from him as the tears rolled down my cheeks and I know he was aware of that but he turned his head to the other side.

What did I do to get punished? What was my mistake? Loving Madhyam was my mistake? Getting married forcefully someone that I didn't even know perfectly was my mistake? My parents and brother blackmailed to suicide. Was that my mistake?

I loved a guy and they asked me to break up. That was really hard part for me. It was really hard to fight with Madhyam. Even before I move on, they pushed me into something else that I didn't want to.

It happened too fast that I couldn't process it. My depression and nightmares increased but my love for Madhyam never faded away.

Even when he was talking to Manik few minutes back in the worst way possible, all I could see was his blood red eyes and the dark circles underneath. He looked so lost. That made my heart churn and stomach twist in the worst ways possible.

Nothing comes just like that. Even love. It comes with pain, hurt, smiles, laughter but when it leaves, we will find ourselves with a nastiest, biggest and worst scar ever on our heart possible.

And first love is more effective. No matter what how many years may pass, when we think about the topic "first love", that person's picture pops up in our mind and we will find ourselves getting drawn back to the memories where for the first time, our heart fluttered, where butterflies danced in our stomach for the first time, our first date, our first "I love you", our first kiss, our first fight, our fight anniversary heck we will even remember the dress they wore on that day to their every favourite thing as if our life depends on it.

The longer the love, the longer the pain. Making thousands of memories with someone, laughing with them, crying for them, pacifying them, making them smile, clicking pictures and feeding them and the list goes on.

When you did this from your high school time to the last year of your graduation, you are supposed to get hurt. That's what I'm going through now. It is hurting me physically that I'm losing him and I don't have any choice than leaving him.

If I run back to him, I'd lose my parents and I can't do that to them. They don't deserve it for whatever they did to me. But living with Manik and without Madhyam seems more harder.

The path where I don't know where I'll go. Where I'm getting two options to choose what I want. Both are uncertain, scary and dead end. And I'm lost.