NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

Part 76

Nandini

“Go and rest Baccha, I’ll feed Manik. You are on your periods. I don't want you to run around because of his tantrums when you are having cramps' ' Maa offered while Abhi fed me slowly, as if he was walking on eggshells.

And I can’t really blame him. I suck when I’m on my periods.

“Thank you maa, but we need to get things for Soha” I reminded her as she took Manik’s tray and kissed my head before she went to mine and manik’s room.

“Are you angry at us?” Manyu asked as soon as he saw no one around us. Probably they’re eating in the dining room quietly not knowing who’ll blast any second.

“Angry at you? For what?” I asked, looking away.

“For hiding, for manipulating your memories and just not making you a part of something you were actually a part of” Manyu muttered, sounding low. This guy looks all tough and shit until he starts self sabotaging himself.

“I don’t know. I think I’ll need time to process this. This is too much for my head” I replied shortly.

Am I angry? Heck yeah. Hurt? For sure. Want to scream at everyone? Urge just increases with each passing second but honestly, how can I stay angry at them for erasing a memory that could have shifted my mindset entirely and traumatised me for life?

If this is my situation, I don’t know how Soha is going to be tomorrow. I can’t imagine living in a locked up and fucked up situation where it wasn’t my fault, but I’m away from my family with scars to carry on my shoulders for life and never be able to get away from them.

I definitely won’t survive some shit like it. And for some reason, I could understand Manik. His sister's life was destroyed entirely. The whole family isn’t the way it is and they can’t even talk openly because of the media. And if he did lift the call, maybe he would have been able to save her. And that would have killed me if I was in his place.

Maybe he is expressing in the way he knows. The way he doesn’t let anyone see how much pain he is in, yet all we could see is his anger but not how much he was killing himself about it.

At that moment, without thinking, I just hugged Manyu with full force.

“What happened? Is everything okay?” he asked, wrapping his left hand around me since he had the plate of food in his other hand.

“It’s okay. I forgive you. Your intentions were good. Thank you for protecting me, but Abhi, you can’t protect me from everything every time. I really appreciate what you did for me, but please let me know when you know I have that right to know” I whispered, crying again.

God I’m such a crybaby.

“Shh. I love you so much. And you don’t know how much relief it is to hear it, but I’m really sorry. I just thought I was protecting you, but I didn’t see that I was hiding a part of you that was supposed to shape you. But I was too scared to lose you” he expressed, keeping the plate on the little table in front of the couch before he embraced me completely.

“I always gave you a headache. Wasn’t I?” I asked, even though I know the answer.

“You didn’t. I love you” he replied quietly. But I know it is not true. He loved me. He really did. But in that process, he lost himself completely, where I was the only one he ever cared for and didn’t tried to do that for himself.

“I know you do, but your twenty years of life went mothering me, didn't it?” I asked. I feel so awful.

Younger siblings don’t really understand how it is for elder ones. We can’t put ourselves in their shoes, ever. He was the reason I always had someone to come to my parent teacher meeting in all the classes.

He was the reason I had someone to sleep with when I had nightmares. But life is a bitch that he couldn’t have himself in that war of the same life where I got everything.

I don’t even know why I didn’t realise this small thing until now.

“Maybe, but I wanted you to have everything I wished I had, and see, you grew up just like I wanted you to” he cupped my cheeks, looking at me like I’m a little baby.

“I’m so sorry” I couldn’t help but whisper.

“You don’t need to feel sorry about anything. I didn’t do everything I did out of responsibility, but out of love” he sounded brutally honest, but I hate that he didn’t get to enjoy it like me.

“You did it because you had to” I said, my voice coming out stronger.

“I did it because I got to. I am really blessed to have you as my baby sister and even if I was given a few more lives, I’d want to do this again and again as long as I get to” his reply left me speechless.

“Why are you so perfect?” I asked as he wiped my tears. I don’t think I could get to love someone as fiercely as my brother loves. He is a fucking blessing. He just doesn’t get it.

“Because I had a pretty heart princess in my life who taught me how to love” he smiled, kissing my head.

“Why did you have to mother me all the time? I don’t remember when you were just by yourself, like ever” God this guilt, even after getting me married to someone, he still has to be that elder brother who still can’t do anything for himself.

“You know, I remember this thing, I don’t know if you do, but it is something I’d never forget. You were like five years old, and it was your holiday homework about something. You were asked to write something about our parents, like rolemodel kind of small essay but it was a competition and you needed help with preparation” he paused, a sweet smile forming on his face which warmed my heart.

“You asked dad to help, but he was just leaving for a business trip. And our mom was as usual busy with her parties and when you asked her, kind of nagged because she was too busy and you were too stubborn. And she slapped you. Hard. And yelled at you to not to irritate her again” I think he could even draw the memory with the way he was lost in that thought.

“And you never did” he scoffed, shaking his head before looking at me again.

“You never irritated her again. I don’t remember a time you asked her something after that. You rarely went to our dad too. And you know what? You were the only one who got full marks on that essay competition. You wrote about me. With colour sketches, you highlighted your name as ‘Nandini Abhimanyu Murthy’ and you were so proud to show that to me. I decided that day, you never had to nag for anything to our mom or dad.”

Note:

I know this update took too long for your choice, but I'll try to be regular from now on. And I'm going to start a second account with fiction stories but not on Manan in that account. And never in a forever is going to come out in fictional romance genre and I'd like some character name suggestions if you have any.

Ps- I'm excited to update this story in a completely different format with new twists and changes. And how are you all?