Cover- From Pentrist, Edited by Me
Tareea is the 3 B's
Black, Beautiful, and Big
Her insecurities seemed to have her tied to a good for nothing cheater as she holds onto the Hope that he'll change. Toxins run through their relationship causing arg...
I knocked on Pops door a couple of times hoping he hadn't fallen asleep. I banged on it a few more times.
"Who the hell bangin' on my door like the popo?" I heard a muffled voice through the door. "Pops it's me, Reea!"
He opened up the door. "Girl you know what time it is- What's wrong with you, you lookin like a hot mess. Get on in hea'." He shuffled to the side of the door so that I could come in "You want some tea? You look like you need some tea. Imma make you some tea." He went off to the kitchen.
A small smile played in my lips feeling at home and cozy in his little old house. Memories ran through my mind of when I was younger. I went to the guest room, aka my room and set my bag down. I went back to the living room, taking a seat on the cloth couch. It sunk a little as I sat on it and the springs groaned with old age.
"I made it just how you like it. A whole lot of sugar." He laughed and sat in his recliner after giving me a mug with tea. "Thanks pops," I took a sip feeling myself calm.
"So what happened or have you just lost your damn mind?" I slick rolled my eyes and sighed. "I......killed Alex." He just stared at me for a minute, "that's it? Well damn you should've let me get that motherfucker. I'm old but my guns young." He snorted.
"Pops! I'm not joking!" I looked at him seriously. "He....he....he raped me....I bashed his face in with a metal lamp." I shuddered remembering how his face looked beaten in. "I turned myself in to the police they'll probably call you for a statement. I have to call a lawyer tomorrow but anyways...I can't go home since it's a crime scene now."
He nodded and listened patiently. He let out a breath, "Reea it'll work out. Trust me on this, we're gonna get you a good lawyer and you know you can stay here as long as you want." He got up and sat next to me, pulling my head down to his chest. He rubbed my shoulder. I sighed and let my tears fall silently.
___
The next day was, not particularly busy but still tiresome. After alot of research and phone calls I found a good Lawyer that I could also afford. I set a couple of therapy sessions and lined up some gigs for my job. I couldn't just sit at home all day and wallow even though I wanted too.
Pops wouldn't let me. He had came in my room and flicked me on the forehead until I physically sat all the way up, then shoved some french toast and bacon into me. He helped me with the phone calls which definitely lighten the load.
"Now put on some clothes and get out of my house." He said when all the work was done. I blinked, "huh?" "I love you and you can stay here but you can't stay here and mope that's what ya lil girl-friends are for. So call one of them go out and about talk, cry, drink, smoke whatever whatever. But you better not come back to this house until 6pm unless it's an emergency." I wanted to argue but I knew he wasn't joking so I mumbled a "yes sir." And went to my room to change.
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I put on a baby pink mid-shin length dress, with a matching pair of Crocs. I fluffed out my afro and that was it. I hadn't grabbed any makeup, I barely grabbed clothes. All I had was some dresses, underwear, bras, and two pairs of shoes.
I sat on the bed thinking about who I could talk too. I wasn't sure I could confide in any of my old friends. I didn't want to hear the "I told you so's" and "Now you wanna talk's". They're entitled to it of course but that doesn't mean I want to hear it. Not to mention some of us fell out so badly.....I'm not even sure it would be worth it to text.
I sighed softly. Maybe....Mavis?..But what if it was too heavy? What if she was one of those women who thought I should be "lucky" he even wanted me? What if she tried to blame me? And....what if she was mad about her husband now being involved? The police are probably going to talk to him soon.
My brain was running a million miles per hour, spinning. I felt like I didn't know what to do. I felt so numb from everything but at the same time my emotions threatened to overtake me. They threatened to grab me by my neck and steal my last breath.
I sighed. I walked out grabbing my purse and saying bye to Pops. I got in my car and started driving. I can't say where I was going. What the hell I was even doing. I was just on autopilot as my mind wondered miles ahead of my body. My chest felt heavy, my waterline filled with tears, and I could feel the sob building up in my throat.
I parked my car at a random parking lot and let it all out. I leaned my head onto the stealing wheel as the sobs tore through my soul. The anguish ate me up alive. Worst of all was the guilt and the immense sadness. Then the self hate because of the guilt and sadness.
My nails dug into my arms as I held myself, scratching down my skin harshly. The pain grounded me but it wasn't it enough. I released my arms, my hands squeezing into fist and my knuckles turning white as my nails cut into my palm painfully. I slammed the sides of my fist in my legs as I cried. Soon my tears dried, my first didn't stop, a scream climbed out of my throat as I found myself angry.
My frustration, disgust, self hate, and anger spilled from me raw and unyielding up untill a soft knocking on my window had me whipping my head towards it. I blinked not believing who it was. I looked around at my surroundings then back to the window and swore.
