Worth, Love (The Fever Of Desire)

22.

Chapter 22. 

Memories or Lack thereof 

My chest.....

It hurts. Please stop-

My eyes are popping out of my skull as I sit up ready to punch whoever is hurting me, sadly a nurse.

"A nurse?" My vocal cords feel like sandpaper rubbing on gravel. They quickly help me sip a paper cup of water then ask me how I feel.

My legs have this sting to them. Something isn't quite right with my arm, and there's this small ache somewhere inside me. I feel tired and like my head weighs 200 pounds.

"Like shit."

The doctor asks me about a hundred questions and then if I remember..

I tilt my head "Remember...what?"

"Life."

I nod quickly, then I think. Life?...I realize that some of my childhood memories have been torn from my brain and whatever happened to get me out in the hospital comes up blank. The last thing I remember is kissing Zane.

But I remember everything else. Alex. Pops, Zane, Mavis, Nala and everyone else.

They tell me it's not unusual to forget what happened and the things before and they ask me if I'm stressed about the childhood memories, but something in my gut tells me it's better if I don't remember so I tell them, "no."

Then they leave asking if they should allow visitors.

"Not right now."

I can hear shouting outside and a familiar voice that soon quiets down. I pull the hospital blanket from my body and survey myself.

My legs........

Down by my ankles attempting to crawl upward are these raw marks. Angry purple marks, some of my second layer of skin peeping through. My eyes become a river with tears as I cover back up.

I've never been so ugly in my life.

I take a nap but I'm plagued by the same kind of dreams I had while I was out. Damn the doctor didn't even tell me how long my body was sleeping for, regenerating itself.

It's this soft gentle deep voice, Zanes. He's reading to me and I feel him touch me, playing in my hair, holding my hand gently, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I can't speak or move or open my eyes, but I want to.

I want to tell him how cheesy he's being even though it's got me blushing.

When I wake up he's in my room reading.

"Zane? I told them not to let anyone in..." I sat up slowly, he came to help fluffing up the flat ass hospital pillow.

"I know sweetheart but your Pops word was above yours," his eyes glistened with tears as he looked into mine. He looked clean and fresh a plain white T on and some joggers, his hair near, beard lined and trimmed. I would love to see it soaking right now.

My legs throbbed at the thought and I was reminded of the scars that would never go away.

"Can you tell me what happened?"
He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed staring at me with a look I couldn't decipher. "You got hit by a car and smashed into a tree. Broke your arm and a rib, gave you a sprained ankle...and some burns on your legs. You tried to move out from the collision but based off the footage they turned on purpose and then ran away." He whispered to me.

He explained to me how the car had no tag and the person was no where to be found, and how they believed it had to do with Alex.

When he said that my eyes leaked, my heart ached, but my brain felt fine. Majority of my childhood memories gone or splotchy up until my first suicide attempt. I barely remembered how we met or when we hung or why I fell in love. It hurt but it also made me hate him even more.

Without those good memories I was left with sour nightmares and sugar coated moments. Zane held my hand and didn't say a word. He knew me too well, I didn't want or need words right now.

"Text everyone see when we can meet and call my lawyer. There's no time to be sitting around." I pressed the button for a nurse I needed a full body check up to see if I was okay and able to leave the hospital. They'll probably want to keep me for a few days but I don't give a damn if I have to have this meeting in here.

I am not going to let that dead no good nigga ruin my fucking life. He already took so much...

All my first.
My self love.
My dignity.
My mental health.
My self image.

I could fix most of those. But I wouldn't be able to fix it in jail.

_.End._

Many things going on...

Did the title scare anyone a lil?