Heart On The Edge

Chapter 12

ADARSH'S POV

I cut the distance between us as tears fell down her eyes. I locked my fingers into her.

"Kashvi, I ruin you. Its just been some weeks that we know each other. Look what happened. You don't need a man like me in your life."

"Don't go"

She said with a heavy voice. All her anger just vanished.

"Meri zindagi tumse alag hai. Bohot complicated hai. My dad is in Canada. I am going to find him. And live with him."

"Why can't you come back when you find him?!"

"Each time I look around...I see memories. Memories of the old life I had. Memories of my mom, my dad, my career. Dum ghutna hai mera yaha Kashvi."

I explained to her. I have never been this honest with her about my feelings.

"Why are you doing this to me!? Why did I do to you to get this!? I....I protected you Adarsh"

She broke down. She wasn't able to control her tears anymore. I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her shoulder. I had never hugged her like this.
She sobbed against my chest. I cupped her cheeks and made her look at me.

"Tum ro rahe ho."

It was at this time when I realized I was in tears too.

"I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that! We'll make this work."

"I don't deserve the love you have given me Kashvi"

Her eyes stopped pouring. She looked at me shocked at my words. She didn't know I knew.  My voice was calm, low, convincing.

"I know you are in love with me...but you don't deserve a monster like me Kashvi. You are soo much better. You are--"

"Do you love me?"

She cut my sentence and asked me. I didn't expect the question, I didn't like that question because I didn't wanna face the answer.

"I have never been in love. I don't know what it feels like."

"Love feels like home. When you think about that person. When you hear their name and in your head, It feels like home."

"A monster like me feels like home to you?"

"Yes. People fight in their homes."

"I don't such a good treatment. I am a killer. I hurt you...not once...many times."

I said showing her the bruises on her arm.

"If you think I would change, I won't"

The truth is. I am saying so much to avoid answering the real question. The answer is yes. I have fallen for Kashvi. I don't know when. But I know when did I realise. I realised when I calles her after she had a panic attack from the jail. I thought, It'll be fine when I die. But I didn't die. Nor in the jail, nor from the suicide attempt. Both times, It was she who saved me. Everytime I try to cover my feelings by just fucking her, there is a voice inside me when tell me that 'Adarsh, you are in love with her. You are gonna mess this up. Don't mess this up.'

"Adarsh. If you have ever, even for second, have fallen for me or even liked me....Don't go. I....I beg y---"

"Shush"

I keep my finger on her lip

"Not the beg word Kashvi. Matt roko mujhe. Main nahi rehna chahta yaha. Ek baar aur rokogi toh rukk jaunga, Matt roko mujhe Kashvi.