Heart On The Edge

Chapter 14

ADARSH'S POV

I collect some grocery. Some beer, some wine, some chips, some fruits and get back home. Its been 5 years, I am living in Bhutan with my dad. Its cold place to be in. Colder than my heart...ehhh no! Dad works as a taxi driver. Its not a pity job. The pay is good. I was working as bartender before then I started my own cafe. Yeah, Ex Sportman and criminal starts his own cafe in Bhutan. Houses here are small. Here the width is small, houses here generally have 2 floors. We got this house with quite difficulty. We are not citizens here so we didn't get the house. But I made a friend here. I made many friends here. Some are Indians, some are Bhutaneese. The Indians did something complicated for me to understand for me to get this house and cafe. Its a Monday, Its a holiday. Seeing a Indian in the cafe, All Indians feel at home to walk in. I always count of Indian tourists and locals. I live at the border town. There is just a wall between India and Bhutan .

About Dad. He was miserable when I found him. He did talk to me for days but didn't push me away because he was lonely too. After some months when I arranged the house, He was quite impressed and started talking to me about thw house, then about food and then normally. We never talk about what happened. Thats a sealed shut door. Dad comes home around 8pm. I come home around 8.30pm. We eat, we drink, we talk. Our relationship is much open and free now. If I was dating anyone, I would not tell him before but now if a girl hits on me, I will tell him. But we don't have real conversations. Like what I feel or what he feels. Or basically what we felt when we lost mom.

Around a year when I shifted here, She won Fearless Journalist award. She deserved it. Especially after everything she had been through. Everything I had put her through.

As I enter my house, I see Swami and Dad sitting on the couch and just chit chatting.
Swami is my best friend.

"Hey man what's  up?"

He says getting up from his place giving me a side hug

"Just got grocery. And also booked moive tickets for tonight!"

I tell them excitedly.

"Wahhh what a Monday!"

Dad exclaims.

"And since its a monday, Booze may never stop!"

I replied to dad as I opened beer cans.
In few cans...we are all drunk.
Swami was laying half on my lap and Dad's leg was on his leg and we three were sitting on a couch.

"Aeee Adarsh!"

Swami slapped my leg out of pure boredom.

"Bol"

"Kuch nahi.."

"Kyun pareshaan kar raha hai mere bete ko!....Chutiya."

Dad slapped his leg now.

"Apko apne bete ke samne gali dete sharam nahi aati."

I said to dad opening another can of beer.

"Tujhe sharam aayi kya uss ladki ke saath gulu gulu karne se pehle yeh jaan kar bhi ki tera baap ghar mein hai"

Dad bring up Deki. Deki is...well its complicated. Complicated--Thats my life.

Dad tell Swami to move somewhere else and shifts to me. He has that dadly vibe around him suddenly.
He put his hand over my shoulder and squeezed it.

"Acchi ladki hai Deki. Tujhe pasand karti hai. Kya problem hai? Shaadi keliye thodi keh raha hu. Girlfriend toh bana le."

"Accha. Jab 8th standard mein ladki patti thi mujhse tab toh bada bhadhan diya tha ki focus on your career wala."

"Baato ko ghumma matt. Nahi accha lagta aise sirf sone ek dusre ke saath....acche ghar ki ladki hai woh"

He said like a typical Indian dad. I got up from my place

"Indian dads...will always be Indian dads! Now get up and sleep both of you. We have a moive in 4 hours. Sleep otherwise we'll be hungover"

He didn't the topic go. I lazily climbed the stairs and he was still telling me to date Deki.

"Aree kab tak uss journalist ki yaad mein rota rahega! 5 saal hogaye mere bacche! Move on ka naam suna hai ya nahi?"

My Musculs feel like they are shrinking. They become tight. My legs stop mid stairs.

"Kya kaha tha tune? Usse uski khushi keliye chod kar aaya hu....Tu darta hai kuch mehsoos karne se issiliye bhaag aya yaha! Kayar hai tu!"

I turned to dad. I didn't want to listen to what he said.

"Chadd gayi hai apko! Jo mann mein aaye bol rahe ho aap. Iss topic pe phir kabhi baat nahi hogi. Aur agar main na aata na..toh taxi mein hi so rahe hote abhi bhi. You were freaking homeless when I found you."

I remind him and go to my room and lay on the bed. His words echoing in my head. Her memories flooding back. I feel tears in my eyes. I switch off all the lights, I don't want to see myself vulnerable. I go to my phone contacts. She is added to my favourites. I click on the contact. My tears fall on my phone. I see 'Kashvi' and her number '7880992800' My fingers just hover over her contact...like always.
I never say her name out loud. Nor do I say it in my head. I just read it. I wanna to know what is happening with her. What's new in her life. I blocked her after she got the award. I don't want to know anything about her. But sometimes I wanna know everything. My eyes go to my bookshelf where I see a book.
Its called- 'Judging the Judge'. It about a controversial suicide case of Judge Damodar who died a day before he was going to order the judgement.
How did I know about the book if I had blocked her? The Media. All Of Bengal was crazy behind this book. Not because it was a bestseller. Because it was controversial. Because it started protests in Bengal. The bookstore who kept this book, were attacked. She never put out any statement. She released this book this year, about 6 months ago.
I saw the videos of the protests. Saw comments below them. Calling her a traitor of the country. Extremists telling her to go to Pakistan. I honestly have no idea how did she get through this. If I was her, I would have ran away from the country. Which I did actually. I didn't want to face my feelings, didn't want to ruin her, didn't want to face the world's hate or the fact that I may not get a respectable job after my arrest So I ran away to Bhutan. My need for my dad is a fact but I did ran away.

Deki is just....friends with benefits. She doesn't stay the night. Nor do I stay the night when we have sex at her place. Its the no strings attach arrangement. She is way more into me that I am into her.

My tears dry up and I close my eyes. Today I miss her more.

"I am so sorry that I am not there. But trust me, you would have been miserable with a criminal by your side."

I imagine her laying beside me.

I am a changed person now. Not sunshine but not grumpy. I live my life...on the basic levels atleast. I work hard. I smile. I laugh. I don't get angry. I don't raise my voice. Nothing like I was with her.
.
.

So this is basically a 5 years leap with Kashvi in Kolkata and Adarsh in Bhutan
Sorry if the chapter was boring...was more focused in information this time.

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