new kid / h.s

17

K A T

"This time I'm going to tell you the full story." he said when we sat down. Harry had led me to an old barn that he claimed belonged to his dad. It was quiet and discreet, a perfect place for bringing up your dark past.

"I don't even know why I'm here." I muttered, but I still wanted to hear what he had to say. "You're using me for a gang, Harry. I'm not sure if anything you say can fix that."

"Let me try."

I sat there in silence, with my arms and legs crossed. Hay was all around us, cushioning us, and as serene as the scene was I didn't feel calm deep inside. I felt like pure chaos. The personification of it.

"When I was sixteen, I met Julia." he started off his story and my ears were wide open. "She was beautiful, amazing, everything I could've ever dreamed of."

I interrupted, "Was?"

He sighed deeply. I could tell talking about this was something he didn't want to do. "Julia got me into the gang. I was surprised she was in it, and I wanted to join so I could always look after her. She was my first love.

"The initiation was to hurt someone you loved most. And Liam, one of the head gang members, knew how much I loved Julia. So they made me kill her."

"Did you?" I asked, shocked. But I already knew the answer before it slipped from Harry's lips.

"Yes." he said, ashamed.

I shook my head. That made no sense. "If you wanted to join to protect her, why did you kill her?"

"I got greedy." his hands were searching desperately through his messy hair, left uncontained without a bandana today. "I started thinking more about defending me and not Julia. I got so caught up in it that I lost her forever."

By now, his eyes were watering and tears were threatening to spill over. I knew what he feel was feeling-- that feeling of grief that wouldn't go away, not even with time as it has rumored to. Grief was everlasting, and Harry had experienced this firsthand.

"Why did you lie?" I asked. "You said you didn't kill anyone."

I knew he was remorseful now. "I'm sorry. I am." he cried.

"If you could take it all back..." I questioned him. "Would you?"

He nodded his head quickly. "Kat, you don't understand. This gang has caused a world of trouble for me. And I will never forgive myself. The look on her face when I told her it was over, that I had to kill her... I see it when I go to sleep. I live with guilt now. There's no escaping."

I didn't know the right words to say sorry for him. I was beyond upset, but I could tell he regretted it. And that was enough for me.

"Change of subject," I said lowly, trying to make the transition as smooth as humanly possible. "Why did they pick me as a target? What was the task?"

"To lure you to Louis' house for you to be killed." he looked at me with worry, searching for any signs of mistrust in my eyes. "At first I didn't see the harm in it. But then I got sidetracked when you were poisoned. You were so vulnerable, so out there for anyone to swoop you up and-- and I just realized you needed protection. I could let him hurt you, or any of them- okay?"

"Okay." I confirmed, not exactly knowing what his words quite meant. "You wanted to protect me. So why am I target again?"

"Because you were affiliated with Noah for quite some time." he scratched his head. "Another thing I lied about. Noah is in our rival gang."

"What?" I almost yelled. "So a gang in Cali is number one rivals with one in Philadelphia?"

He nodded sadly. "Unfortunately."

"God, I wish you knew what you had gotten yourself into." I ranted, and stood up from my sitting position. I wasn't ready to leave, but I definitely had to get my head clear.

"And you think I don't?" he asked. His cheeks were stained with tears now. "Kat, Julia wasn't who I thought she was. She was the gang leader. And she had it coming, but I didn't want it coming from me."

I stayed silent.

"I know you hate me for almost having you murdered like I did Julia. But you know my full past now, you know why I had to leave. Everyone makes mistakes and you were just one of them. I'm sorry."

He was sorry? That apology would've been way easier to take if he hadn't have just called me a mistake.

"Hold on." I frowned. "Which is a mistake? Using me or meeting me?"

"Using you, of course." Harry knew that I asked that question for a reason. "I'm sorry that I kissed you but I only wanted you to trust me. That's all it was. Another one of my mistakes along the road of a giant one."

"This whole gang thing was a mistake." I groaned.

But then I had the best idea.

"Harry... who's the gang leader now?"