Alienus

Chapter Thirty Eight

That night had been the beginning of the end. The part that hurt the worst was, it was the same for him.

Both of us ignored each other.

My pain had no outlet. I didn't know if he still watched me or not, but there are chances he still was, which meant that I couldn't break down anywhere. Except under the shower. But they were silent tears, and they scraped raw against my heart, seeming to tear out of me, shred me apart... But they also helped remake me.

I stepped out of the bathroom, my hair tied up in a bun. I let it down and for a second considered chopping the lot of it off, before shaking my head.

No, I won't let him be the reason I do anything anymore.

I quickly pulled on my suit and my eyes caught on the suit that Rafe had given me. I felt my jaw tighten, but I looked away.

When the computer in my room told me I had a visitor, my traitorous heart raced.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, taking in one deep breath after another. Steeling my heart against him. Building walls, protecting myself, drawing deep within myself.

Once I was more in control, I asked the computer who it was.

It was Ace.

I hesitated, but allowed him entrance.

He stepped in, letting the door shut behind him. He looked at me then walked to stand in front of me, blocking me from the wall that stood behind him.

Then he held up a small device and clicked it.

Then he spoke, "What is going on?" He asked.

"What did you just do?" I asked, jerking my chin towards the device in his hand.

"Ensured privacy." He said simply.

"Can I have more of those?" I muttered.

Ace shook his head, his handsome features morose.

"Sadly, he is smarter than this. It will not take him long to get his systems back to work. Which is why We need to do this fast."

"What makes you think he's still watching?" I murmured, rubbing a hand against my forehead.

Ace kept quiet before saying, "I just have a feeling."

I nodded, pulling fast at the reins of hope that threatened to unleash itself on my heart. My heart that, despite everything, still implored me to give in, take whatever he gave no matter how ever little it was. I held fast against the urge, telling myself, I didn't deserve just bits and pieces of somebody. I deserved everything they had to give.

"Now, what happened?" Ace asked again.

I shrugged, "He walked out." I said simply.

Ace crossed his trunk like arms over his chest, considered me seriously and said, "Explain."

So I did. I needed to tell someone. I hadn't even told Freesia or Wolf when they'd asked me. I don't know why. I didn't have it in me. They never did think it was okay for me to be associated to Rafe; maybe it was pride and I didn't want to admit my fall, or maybe I just hadn't been ready yet. But Ace had always been on our side and I needed to speak to someone who had held the same hope as me. And despite the fact that he had threatened me the last time we spoke, I didn't have it in me to be angry.