Facade

Chapter 30

    My heart felt heavy as I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. My hair lay around me in waves and my arms lay at my sides. I felt unwilling to do anything. All I wanted to do was lay and hope that time would slow down. Maybe even stop.

    I hadn't expected a week to fly by so quickly, but I only had three days left before the wedding. Somehow everything was already planned and I had already gotten a dress, which only increased my dread. Knowing that on Sunday I would be married to the man I despised, I found myself drowning in depressing thoughts.

    Any thought of Philip caused me to shiver unpleasantly. I hated him truly and I thanked my lucky stars that I wouldn't see him until the wedding. But after the wedding, I would see him everyday. We would be married and he would be allowed to touch me whenever he wanted to. The thought made me shudder and I sat up suddenly, realizing I would also be his slave. Soon I would have no freedom at all.

     I kept trying to tell myself that I'd be helping many. I'd be helping Mother too, but still I couldn't help but feel like I was making a mistake. Even when I tried to think of Alex who broke my heart, I couldn't help but wish he was at my side.

    I hated myself for missing him, but I did. Every part of me yearned for him and I wanted him with me. I wanted his support and comfort, even though he had broke my heart. Even though he had lied to me, my heart craved him.

   As if on cue, I heard a tapping at my window. Not at the large window, but instead at my smaller one that was near my bed. Frowning, I looked over at it and became surprised when I saw Alex.

    He was peering through it, looking glum. When our eyes met affection flooded into his eyes and I had to look away, unable to take the aching feeling that struck my heart. I couldn't believe he was at my castle and I wondered what he wanted.

   Knowing I couldn't just leave him on the roof of my castle, I went over to the window. We were soon facing each other and Alex put a hand against the glass, as if expecting me to put my hand where his hand was. I simply shook my head at that and threw the window open, and then walked away.

    I went to my bed and sat down, looking away from him. My heart ached and the events of what happened the last time I saw him flooded back to me. The yearning I once felt vanished and I felt only hurt and betrayal.

    "What are you doing here?" I whispered, staring at the velvet blankets beneath me.

   "I want to talk to you," he answered gently. "I need to talk to you."

   "There's nothing you can say that will fix this." I closed my eyes, wishing my heart didn't hurt so much. "I know you're a liar."

   "Let me explain," he pleaded. "Please Diana, give me a chance."

   I didn't say anything. My eyes stayed glued to my covers, even when he moved closer to me. Alex stood in front of me, keeping his distance, and a stab of pain shot through me at the thought of how we once shared a bed.

     "Diana, I love you," he said. "Everything I've said was true. I just hid some things from you, but I'll tell you everything now."

   Maybe it was because I was tired and going to be married soon, but I nodded. I forced myself to look at Alex, knowing this would be the last time I'd see him. As a married woman, there would be no way I could see my past lover. I felt my throat constrict at the thought, but I told myself to stay serious.