𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ‣ jjk

四十五 ; blizzards

day 17
1.14 pm
lee haru

blizzards

don't find love
let love find you
that's why it's called falling in love
because you don't force yourself to fall
you just
fall

and in my case
i didn't know how much i craved
the thumping through my veins
as my heart pulses uncontrollably

maybe two weeks hasn't been
that much of a long time
for me to fall in love
is this even considered falling in love?

after all, we don't know much about
each other yet
we're still oblivious
chose not to find out until the time is right
chose to just be who we are while we still can
leaving whatever past we have behind us

maybe that's the real reason why he
makes me feel safe
he's almost like
a home where i belong, where i'm accepted
for being me

i don't have to pretend anymore
i don't have to hide myself behind a mask
he doesn't give me the chance too
because the ways he smiles at me
the way he talks to me;
as soft as the night breeze
is enough to tell me that i am enough

jeongguk's face becomes pale
and i can see his fingers
tapping against the wheel
as he takes slow but very heavy breaths

"are you okay?"

he nods his head yes
but his condition says otherwise
and that is when i tell him to pull over
he does so right away without
any smart comebacks

yes something is definitely wrong with him

"oh god
you have a fever"
i press my palm up against his forehead
my lips curving into a worried frown

he shakes his head slightly
taking my hand in his to carefully pull it away
"it's just a fever, nothing big
let's just... keep going
daegu isn't that far from here
we can rest there"

"are you crazy? no i can't have you going around
being sick like this i told you before"

jeongguk sighs softly
and i tell him to switch seats
saying that if anything
i'm going to be the one driving

he says he feels nauseous
and quickly asks for a tissue
which he squeezes into his fist
after another coughing fit

i retrieve a couple pills from my bag;
the ones i kept for emergencies
and he gulps them in right away

outside the wind is getting harder
and the snow is falling more and more
"i think it's a blizzard" i say with a
disappointed groan
"we can't go anywhere in a
weather like this"

jeongguk's tired eyes widen
and sure enough
the view of the road is completely covered
by the angry winds and white snow
it's almost impossible to see what's beyond

i tell him to lean back and rest
because there is no way we'll be able to
keep going during a blizzard like this
and he does

i see dark circles under his eyes
as if he's been losing sleep
i don't know for sure
because i'm always sleeping soundlessly at night

he looks so tired and worn out and
lifeless
his breathing slows down
his fists clench everytime he coughs
as if he's hurting somewhere inside there

i want to ask him what's wrong
but i don't want him to speak in this condition
i turn down the air-conditioning slightly
because the car is freezing cold
"go to sleep" i whisper

"it hurts" he says in a hushed tone
so soft and weak that i nearly miss it
and it nearly breaks my heart
to see him in such pain

even though it's nothing but a fever

"it'll be gone when you wake up
i promise"

"sleep never helps me"
jeongguk breathes out
"i want all of this to go away
i..."
he pauses
and i feel his fingers intertwining with mine
"i don't want to die
i don't want to suffer like this"

"you won't"
i squeeze his hand gently
and caress his cheeks ever so tenderly
as if he would break easily
"then what can i do to make the pain go away?"

"stay here
with me"

and with a smile on my face
i lean in with my tear stained eyes
and whisper slowly
"i'm right here
and i won't leave"