SOLOMON

CHAPTER 29

AYLA

I burst out of my sleep, breathing fast as if I've run a marathon. Cold sweats dripping down my forehead. My heart feeling as if it was about to jump out of my chest.

I take deep breathes. I climb out of bed and go to the kitchen. I pour myself a cup of water, hoping it will soothe me. I sit at the counter and reflect on what happened.

My PTSD has come back. The nightmares and the hallucinations have all come back. It came back around two months ago. Up until then, everything was great. I had everything I ever wanted and I genuinely thought, maybe I could make a proper life here? Maybe I could meet a nice guy and, I don't know, possibly get married, have a couple of more pups. I thought I've dealt with my crap, I thought I didn't have any issues or problems anymore. But I was wrong. My demons have followed me, quietly, lurking in the darkness, waiting for the right time to strike. And boy did they strike hard. I've had almost no sleep for the past couple months. 

"When is this going to stop." I sob to myself. Tears roll endlessly down my face. 

"It won't stop." I heard his voice. I groan in annoyance as I lift my head and face Kendrick. I glare at him as he smiles back at me. 

"Get out of my head," I growled at him. 

He chuckles, "When are you going to get it, precious. You will never be rid of me. You weren't rid of me back there, and you won't be rid of me here."

I shake my head. I look to the roses that sit in the middle of the counter. Seven months ago, I began to get roses once a week. They still have not stopped. 

My heart feels comforted at the sight of them, knowing who's sent them. 

I've tried to not think about Solomon while I was here. And at first, I felt my mate bond with him fade and I was happy. And then when I hardly felt it, I suddenly panicked. I wanted to still feel it, as much as I hated it, I wanted it for some weird reason. 

Only recently I have thought of him more. Every time I do, my heart hurts. Something in me breaks more when I think of his warm eyes. And at night when I don't feel safe, I think of him. I think of how he would protect me. Like the time in the woods. He slept right in front of my tent, just because he heard a sound.

I wanted that feeling of protection right now. Protection from my past. I wanted comfort. I release a heavy sigh. But the thought of him always have thoughts of what he did following. I still can't help, but blame him for everything. I get angry at him. I wish I wasn't angry at him, I wish I could stop blaming him. But I can't. I don't know why I can't just forget about it and love him. 

I cover my eyes with my hands and sob. I wish my life didn't turn out like this. I wish none of this had happened. 

***

The next day, I dropped Milo to my neighbor's and I dragged my ass to work. You know that feeling you get when you're really tired and your eyes sting a little every time you blink? That was me as soon as I woke up. Bags sat heavy under my eyes. My skin was paler from my lack of sleep and probably the amount of water I lost from crying all night.

I opened the door and see Luciana already getting the place ready. With a cheerful smile she turns around and says, "Olah!"

I just did a "Meh" sound in response. 

She frowns at me in disgust, "I really don't like your negative vibe right now, chicka."

I put my apron on and groan, "Me too."

"what's wrong, baby girl?"

"My life."

Luciana just smirked and said, "Literally me."