i am not a replacement

Chap10(mine)

"I'm sorry...can you come back now? "

Dad dropped Louis off and left with Joshua, both of them going back home leaving me alone with Louis. I bought him some ice cream and sat across him not knowing what to do, till he chose to speak first.

"Louis, I'm not going back "

"why not? I apologized, you already punished me, is it not enough? " his voice went up a notch, which alerted me... I knew he was bullied by his friends, I knew what he was dealing with mentally, and I was always cautious with him but he has to learn to deal with it on his own now.

"me leaving is not to punish you "

"then why? "

"I just.. can't stay anymore "

"just like mom couldn't? ..am I that bad? "

"Listen to me, mommy left because she was sick, she didn't choose to leave you, she would trade the whole world just to be with you, do you get it? " I held his small hands in mine feeling warm all over, I moved my left hand up wiping his tears, then brought it back down to hold his hands as much and as long as I can 'cause I knew this dream will soon have an end and he will be pulled away from me

"what about you? "

"you mean the world to me "

"LIAR!" he pulled his hands away, "you say that but you leave !"

"you wanted me to leave"

"I never said that!"

"you have always said that you hated me Louis and y-"

"because you wanted my papa and not me!"

I shook my head at him "I have always wanted you and never once wanted your dad"

"then why did you hate it when I called you mommy?"

I knew it, I knew that this was the core of the whole problem but how was i supposed to fix it on my own?

"because it made your papa uncomfortable, he probably thought of your mommy every time he heard it, so I stopped you from calling me mom but I loved it when you called me mommy ..you don't know how much I did"

"then come back " his quivering chin didn't go unnoticed by me but I couldn't give him any false hope just because he was on the verge of crying

"Louis...I can't "

"WHY NOT?! I will be good to you, I PROMISE! "

"I know that you can fathom this so listen to me carefully ... I will forever be a mom to you, you like it or dislike it, you are MY son... but this mom of yours got so greedy that she wants someone whom she can call HER husband "

"did papa hurt you ? was he bad to you? "

"no...but he wasn't good to me either, he just loves your mama Ivy so much that he sees no one but her and you... I have always had no one but you, and you seemed to get further away refusing to go back to me, so I just couldn't bear it anymore "

"I won't go away, I will be with you, so please come back " the tears have already formed again and stained his pale tiny face with a trail that I managed to stop with my palm wiping it away

"can you be with me even if I don't come back ? can you forgive your mama and love her, even if she didn't come back ?"

"But I'm asking you to come back "