i am not a replacement

Chap2-2 (looking back)

I messed up.

Anyone can see that, but I had to spend a whole day to realize it.

I was the one to set that bomb to explode, I made Louis think in a messed up way about Amanda and now she was gone.

I looked at the portrait hanging on the wall in the living room, and realized  how both of our lives got twisted and tangled...

The way that Ivy passed away, left me and Louis wounded, his wound is fresh and mine is old, but still, it remained, even though Amanda tried her best to heal us both. But we failed her as we were holding on to it with our dear lives afraid that that would be a betrayal to Ivy.

But there was a worse betrayal than letting go of Ivy and it's the fact that I was dreading the idea of letting go of Amanda..
As selfish and twisted that may sound. Nothing can change the fact that she was the only one to hold this house from crashing over our heads.

That day, that wedding dress and those smiles on our faces.. The genuine feeling hiding there in that one picture of me and Ivy; still hanging on the wall, instead of telling me how much I loved Ivy and how much I missed her to draw that smile on my face, it now told me how that woman respected our lives and protected it, never once tried to push her way in...

She never once took a picture down or made a huge change in the décor of the house. But that could also be just one of her psychology techniques, since she keeps on trying to heal us.

"But now she deserved to heal. Right?"

I looked down the glass table, my eyes landing on the papers that I had to sign.

And how I wish i didn't.

But she already filled her car with her belongings and left about four hours ago and I knew this time, when she stepped out of that door... She was never coming back...

And god! How do I dread that!...