i am not a replacement

Chap4-3(sick man)

Going to work just like any other day; the slumped shoulders, the loud sigh, the coffee cup to keep oneself a little motivated.. but...this time it was different. When you get assigned to work in the same studio as your ex-wife.. That is no usual working day.

Call it destiny, I will call it torture...

I wanted to pull her out of here and bring her back home, hold her a hostage if I had to. All types of dark thoughts were running in my head and only one goal... Bringing her back!

And that showed how still self-centered I was. She seemed happy; talking to people, smiling and laughing along with the staff and guests..

When have I last seen that?

Probably when she was with ivy and the rest of their friends ...
She seemed to go back to being herself and here I am acting like a wimp and-

and storming at her and saying things I didn't intend to!!!

I might have meant to say them but it was out of spite! I loved the way she became but hated that it was right after leaving us. It made every negative thought I had in my head become one hundred percent true.
We were really torturing her, for five years... I was at ease when I was with her, I liked the time I spent with her, even though I regretted it every night, still I ran back to her the next day and just talked. Yet, all that talk was about Ivy. All of it was about my feelings and the way we had to handle Louis and his feelings...

What about hers?

I know nothing about her, only the things that I observed. I never made her feel comfortable enough to share anything with me...

Yet, he knows... Edwin Snow... He knows.

The more I hear that name, the more I dread it. Just when I was waking up from all of that adrenaline pumping in my veins, just when I was about to eat my words, their entrance made me choke on them instead.

All of the thoughts I had about her being happy with another man instead of marrying me, the ones that made me pity her, now made me hate her... In other words, they made me furious... But I had to stand there like an idiot while they exchanged words and laughter.

'Cause I had no right over her, I wasn't her husband... Nor was I her lover.

So, I just stood and agreed to what the chairman said

My self-pity was ruining me, first I kept destroying the things she had built in me, then I suppress my feelings about her and expect her to get along with it. And just when she leaves and gets her life back, I become a crazy possessive douchebag that wants her back.

Just...

What is wrong with me?

When did I become this SICK of a man ?!