ƈʀօȶƈɦɛȶʏ, ռɛա, ʟօʋǟɮʟɛ • ɮɨʟʟɨɛ ɛɨʟɨֆɦ

•16•

Sometimes, playing with fire can be exciting. It can be fulfilling and eventually "successful". Sometimes, taking risks is decent and healthy. It can lead to character development, growth and confidence improvement.

Sometimes.

When I had the idea to introduce Billie Eilish to my friends, I'd decided to take an actual risk.
For the first time in my life.
Sure, I was excited and hopeful, but maybe I wanted to do it mainly for myself. Perhaps I needed to prove that I can take risks too, I can be vibrant and passionate about my plans and risks.

Turns out it wasn't the best idea I've ever had.

The weekend started just fine. Billie's brother, as well as my mother, gave us permission to go camping with the rest of the team.
She was hesitant at first, but I assured her that I would be there for her if she needed anything.

The place we'd decided to camp, was a nearby seaside that everyone liked.
Our tents were huge and comfy and the bonfires made the atmosphere entirely romantic. Many couples we're cuddled up beside the fires and a few people were singing.

I shared the tent with Billie, Sarah, Lily and Tanner. Everything seemed to be going fine, until Sarah got curious.

"So...Billie. You live with your brother.", she more stated than asked.

"Yeah. We live together in a trailer.", Billie casually answered.

"That's so cool! A trailer...", Lily exclaimed, but Sarah continued, not affected.

"And I've heard you have a preference for...um..women."

"What does that have to do with anything?", I defensively asked.

"I am just trying to have a conversation.", Sarah didn't even look at me when she spoke.

"Can't you ask anything else?", my tone got harsher.

"God Jade! Just let her answer for herself! I think she can do it."

Sarah's tone and attitude we're starting to get on my nerves. What was her problem?

"Yes, I am a lesbian, if that's what you're asking.", Billie replied.
She wasn't ashamed nor nervous.

"And how did that...happen?"

Tanner and Lily gasped audibly.

"What do you mean? That doesn't just happen. I guess I've had it in me. It's the way I am."

"Then maybe there is something wrong with you."

"Enough!", my voice covered everything else instantly. "I don't know what you're trying to do, but stop it now, before you ruin our weekend.", I warned.

Sarah huffed dismissively. "You're the one who forced her on us. You made us promise something we didn't even want to.", her bitterness left me speechless for a little while.

"Then why did you do it?", my voice was louder and clearer.

"Because you're our friend Jade! I tried for you! You asked us to do something but I can't okay? I am always pretending I am okay with all these gay people, but the truth is, I am not! I am a homophobe if that's what you wanted to hear.", her words cut like a knife.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep pretending you had no problem with homosexuality?"

"Because you're all so kind, open-minded and cool with everything! Well, I am not. Homosexuals are not natural, they're not normal! I can't be the only one who sees it. What if she tries something?", her eyes were filled with tears.
She was openly crying and no one knew what to do, because this wasn't a normal reaction.
Even if she was such a homophobe, she wouldn't be crying. Something was clearly up.

Lily's eyes were wide and horrified, while Tanner was quiet and evidently upset.

"What do you mean?", Billie suddenly asked, her voice a light whisper.

"Victoria tried...she tried to harass me okay? That first night of the school trip. She lied with me, forcing intimacy on me. At first I thought she was being friendly. But then I noticed she was slightly drunk. I tried to get up but she kept straddling me.", her sobs became louder and louder. "I screamed and she let me go. But not before leaving that disgusting memory in my mind."

Victoria...the new cheerleader?

"Victoria Biston tried to...rape you? That's what you're saying?", Lily asked, still too shocked to comfort her friend.

"Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?", she wiped her tears angrily. "Go ahead, call me a liar. That's what the school counselor did when I told him."

"Excuse me.", Billie was the one to interfere.

My friend's eyes locked on Billie's blue orbs.

"Someone tried to do something bad to you. Something not acceptable by anyone, neither boys, nor girls. It doesn't matter if it was a woman or a man. The act itself traumatized you and you're scared of it, but not everyone is like that girl. Yes, I am a lesbian. However, I would never try to do something the other person doesn't like.", her expression was serious, focused.

Sarah didn't seem convinced and no one said anything else. Her eyes were scared, her expression one of pure disgust.

Billie sighed and looked at me. "Thanks for inviting me. I had a good time, really."

At that moment, I felt horrible. We didn't even get to sleep once in the tent and her intention was clear. She wanted to leave.

I followed her out of the tent.

"Please don't leave."

"Oh, stop being so blue. We knew something like this was going to happen.", she wasn't disappointed. Her soft grin was evident as soon as she saw my pout.

"You knew something like this was going to happen? Well, I wouldn't have predicted it even if I was a psychic.", my sarcasm was terrible, but she quietly chuckled.

"You know what I meant."

"I do."

We stared at each other until a quiet sob was heard from the tent.

"You should keep company to Sarah. She doesn't seem like a bad girl. Maybe she just needs time."

"Yeah..."

"See you on Monday.", and just like that, she walked across the bonfires and left the seaside.

The camping weekend didn't end up as I expected it to.
However, Sarah stopped the comments about Billie Eilish and whatever tension seemed to be lessened.

And even if I didn't admit it that night, I was yellow.