The Home Of The Dead (Book 2)

Chapter 5: Stay Inside (Sashas POV)

Tanner looked at me for a few moments, he still managed to have that smile on his face. I never understood how, he had just dug a grave for his daughter and then buried her in it. I felt sick thinking about it, this time I did not smile back at him.
Tanner looked at the ground a bit sadly now. I knew why, without me smiling his thoughts went back to his daughter. I kind of felt bad, but at the same time I didn't, now was not the time to be happy at all. Right now, I just wanted to fall into the arms of my best friend.
I never even got to say sorry to her, instead of saying sorry, I had gotten her killed. Whether or not Tanner wants to say it was not me, in my mind I knew it was me. I don't think I could ever get over something like this. I was expected Tanner to through me out, but he was just too good of a human.
I wish every human could be like him... But no... We had humans out here, killing other humans for no reason. It made me feel sick even thinking about it. Why did they have to go around destroying the world? We were here trying to fix it.
It reminded me of something Tanner told me one time, in my mind, I could think that there was no way possible that it could be true. I knew that it was though, so many people had said things about it... Not just Tanner, people that were parents of the kids at daycare... People like Ben.

Tanner looked at me, as he gave me lunch... Today was my day off, Ashley was out working at the daycare. I often liked to come here anyways, even when Ashley was at work. Her dad always lightened up the mood in my life, it brought light to all of the dark.
"What's wrong Sasha? I can tell that you have something on your mind today." Tanner asked me. I looked down at the ground a bit sadly, to be truthful, it was me and Ashley... Me and her had taken a bit of a darker turn lately, having lots of arguements and disagreements.
I thought about lying to him, or not saying anything about it to him. But I knew that I should not, and that I could not do that. It almost seemed like sometimes he always knew what I was going to say already.
Almost like he was a telepath of some sorts, or maybe it was because Ashley had already said something about it to him. I knew that her and her father were always close, after they had lost her mother such a long time ago, before all of this ever happened.
But a part of me also was telling me that I needed to tell him. Maybe that was the good part of me, I knew that Tanner always kept an open mind. He was not going to take either of our sides, no matter who was right, or who was wrong.
I looked up at him, before quickly biting into the peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich that he had made for me. I was doing my best to put this off as long as I could. It was stupid that me and Ashley were fighting about the way that we were.
"Ashley... She has been trying to start a petition to stop people from going out of the walls. I am talking to her about why we should still be doing that, but every time we do, it turns into a heated arguement." I said to him. He looked at me, this time, for the first time in a while he was a bit surprised.
Maybe he was not a telepath, maybe he did not expect that at all. After a few moments, his face finally turned back to his normal form. He then nodded to me, looking down at the ground a bit sadly at the same time.
"She always tells me to not go out of the walls, theres a part of her that is right, but we can't just give up... We have to at least still have some sort of hope, that the world will be able to change." He said, almost looking at me to see if what he had said was right...
I looked at him a bit sadly for a few moments, I then nodded to him. It was stupid that me and Ashley were getting into fights over this. It was almost like we were acting like a married couple. I remember when my parents often fought nearly every day that they were together.
"Yes... But, me and her talk about this, and she gets very upset at me, and I get upset at her as well because it seems like she never wants to listen to me." I told him. He looked at me for a few more moments, then he got up from the table and went to the other room.
I looked a bit confused for a few moments, I heard him scuffling through a bit of drawers in the other room. I wondered what it was that he was looking for in there. Eventually I heard the drawer shut and he came back into the room that I was in with something in his hand.
I looked at it a pit closer, I could not quite tell what it was. He sat back down at the table, sliding it over to me. I could tell that he was in a lot of pain even showing me that. I picked it up, and looked at it closely for a few moments, it was no longer than 3 inches of width and an inch long.
It was a light green color, I wondered if it was because of the rust. Like from the statue of liberty, or if it was painted to look like that. I noticed that it was a cat, I looked up at Tanner a bit confused as to why he had brought it in the room to show me.
"What is this? I don't get it..." I asked him. He looked at me for a few moments, and then he smiled at me and he nodded. He leaned back in the chair, just staring at the cieling for a few minutes.
I looked at the cat a bit closer for a few moments, I then noticed something at the bottom that I had not even thought to look at. It said the name "Kate". I wondered what it was for, and whos name it could possibly be referencing. Tanner then looked at me, with a bit of a sad smile on his face.
"You see the name Kate... That is Ashley's mother... You do not know that, because we do not talk about it much, it is a painful subject." He said to me. I looked at him for a few moments, a bit surprised. I looked at it a bit closer, Ashley must have made this for her mother in one of her art classes.
I looked at it a bit sadly for a few moments, I then looked down at the ground. I felt bad for her, I began to feel bad for her. It was beginning to make sense now, this had to be why she did not want to bring the world back to normal, because she had lost her mother when it was normal.
"I'm sorry... I don't really know what to say, I am sure that she was a good woman." I said to him. He looked at me for a few moments, he then nodded, looking down at the ground for a few more moments. I could tell that he was in pain, he just did not want to show it.
I did not blame him, he was always the one to look strong for the rest of us, when the rest of us were weak. He had to keep those thoughts in his head when he was talking to me. I always looked at him as the strong one, the one that holds everyone together.
"She was... At least I thought that she was..." He said to me. I looked at him and then nodded, as he kept looking at the ground, even the moment he had said what he had just said to me. He was in quite a lot of pain, and I felt bad for him. It seemed like I was the one that was going to have to show him how to use coping skills.
I then began to think, what it was that he had meant. He had said, at least I thought she was... What did that mean? Ashley had always told me that she loved her mother so much, and that her mother had died, I was a bit confused as to what he meant.
"What do you mean? Did you find something out after she died?" I asked him, looking at him a bit confused. He kept on staring at the ground, almost as if he had not heard a single word that I had just said to him, even though I knew that he had heard all of it.
After a few more seconds of him staring at the ground, he then looked back up at me. I could see pain in his face, but also anger in his face. Something that I had never seen from this man ever before. I had always thought of this man as the happiest person that you would ever meet.
I hope he was not upset at something that I had just said... Last thing I needed was for both him and Ashley to be pissed off at me. They were the only 2 I had, the only friends that I had. Every other person either was jealous of me, or didn't want to be friends... They just wanted to use me as a pick up.
"No... She was a narcissist, she was doing so many things behind my back, cheating on me... Doing a damn good job of hiding it as well. But I found out, one of the people that I worked with..." He said to me. I looked at him a bit confused and a bit surprised at the exact same time.
I knew what a narcissist was, it had come up in a few conversations... Is that what had really happened? How had she ended up dieing in the end then? If he had found out about it, don't tell me that he had accidentally killed her right?
There was no way that could be true, Tanner had told me that he had to kill a few people before... But those were evil people... But maybe, a narcissist was an evil person right? I looked down at the ground for a few moments, not too sure what to say.
"How did she die? Did you kill her?" I asked him. He looked at me a bit surprised and a bit confused for a few moments. Then he let out a weird sort of giggle, he shook his head at me, and then eventually he looked down at the ground at the same time.
I felt bad for him, and I hoped that I was not pushing him too far at the same time, I just wanted to know what had happened to Ashleys mother, that way I could get a better understanding as to why she was the way that she was some times.
"No... She didn't die... Well, she probably is now... I just told Ashley that she died so she would not know that her mother left her... Please don't tell her this, I will find a day when she must know..." He said to me. I looked at him for a few moments, I was very surprised that he was opening up to me so much like he was right now.
I looked at him for a few moments, I could see the pain on his face. I felt bad for him because of it, I did not know that sort of pain, so there was not much I could say to make him feel better. I just looked at the ground for a few moments, sadly, I felt what he was going through.
I didn't know what it was like to lose the one that you truly loved, I had never felt that way about anyone before, sure there was a few guys I had been talking to and that I had dated, but all of them only wanted to hook up with me.
I got up from off of the chair, there was only one thing that I could think of that would make him feel better. That was, to not say anything at all, but to let him know that he was loved, and that he was cared for. I went over to him, and put my hand on his shoulder for a few moments.
The he pulled me closer, and he gave me the biggest hug that I think I had ever felt before. It was almost like he was squeezing me, but I knew, just as well as he did, that we both needed that hug. Life had been rough, ever sense this had all gone down. We were all trying to find a way to cope with it, I just did not agree with Ashley's version.
"You find a way to cope with it, by not coping at all." I shook my head, trying not to think about it too deeply. The path that she was trying to stir me on was a path of having no emotions. While in some instances that might be a good idea, this was just not one of those instances.
If we show no emotions, then all of us are all brain dead. I just hated, how we agrued about it, it seemed like every conversation lately seemed to go on the exact same path. No matter what we said, we promised not to bring it up, but it always got there for some odd reason or another.
"I promise that I will not tell her, that is something between you and her..." I said to him. He looked at me for a few moments, and he nodded his head, his eyes for looking right at mine. I could tell that he was listening, he always told us, if you listen to him, he will listen to you. "And Tanner... I love you..."
Tanner moved in closer and gave me another tight hug. I did not mean it in an actual relationship way, and he knew it. I could feel his pain, and his body for some reason, unlike a normal body, felt a little cold right now, and it was not because of the tempature in the room.
"I love you too Sasha, you are like a daughter to me. Ashley is your sister, make sure you let her know that, and that you will never leave each other." He said to me, with a big smile on his face. He always smiled, I loved him for it, no matter what, through all the bad, he always gave us that smile.