CORNERS

The Perpetual Home

It was late night, the pervasive silence being broken only by the impertinent crickets. The moon amidst the clouds was busy in playing hide and seek with sublunary lot and the wind blew humming praises of it's LORD while tress danced and leaves clapped to wind' s humming. Amidst all this playfulness, there was one heart that was beating a different rhythm...the rhythm of sorrow and melancholy . Sanobar walked around the remnant carton boxes that were still left to be shifted to their new rented house and entered the patio while sliding her hand over the wall as if  giving farewell to the walls which encapsulated the memories of her life . She was two when her parents shifted to this house and since then it has been twenty years.....long enough to make her forget that this was not her own house ,long enough to make her oblivious that this memories encapsulating refuge will also end up being just a memory. She looked at the guava tree which she and her mother had planted  ,was now waving and dancing as if giving a farewell performance. She was gonna miss climbing on it and eating fresh guavas from it ,she will miss talking it . She sighed deeply, she knew if someone came to know of her these thought she would be ridiculed but she couldnt help but feel sorrow about leaving the place which has been her protective shell in a dark , dangerous ocean like world. And the fact that the house would be demolished and rebuild again broke her heart more as her protective shell and memories associated with those walls would be lost forever. She was engrossed in these thoughts ,when Sanobar heard her mother's voice calling her to come inside. Taking a deep breath and rubbing off the tears she went inside .

As she entered the house ,Sanobar smiled looking at her mother who was reciting Quran along with translation. It was her mother's routine to recite Quran with translation but today with hectic schedule of packing and shifting gave her no time to recite thus she was reading Quran at night. Sanobar loved this sheer dedication of her mother and prayed to have such dedication like her mother. She went to her mother and side hugged her .Her mother patted her cheeks lovingly and asked her to go to sleep as tomorrow their day was going to be more hectic. Muttering Alhamdulillah that her mother hadn't noticed her face as then she would surely know she had cried ,she sauntered towards her room. But as she was existing the room, she heard her mother reciting translation of the verse she read and she was struck by the depthness of those words and  how it fitted her situation and how those words blossom the flower of peace and tranquility and removed the odour of sorrow and melancholy .She rushed to washroom and did wudu ( ablution) and offered nafl prayer to thank her AR RAHMAN SWT who always showered her with his Rahma despite her being a such a ungrateful servant .After offering the Salah, Sanobar just like always went to encase this beautiful memory in her diary. Opening her backpack she took out her diary and sat on the mat ( her temporary bed for the last night in this house). Putting the cap on the back of the pen , she opened the fresh page ,ready to fill it with words that spoke hope , trust and love for her RAB.

Dear Heart,
  It's amusing how the word ' memories' itself evokes millions of memories in mind. As kaleidoscopic view of life moves ,we record or click pictures in our conscious of moments that are precious to us & which we call as memories .But memories have a tendency they just don't exists on its own ,just like it's keeper( i.e us) ,it is dependent , dependent on objects ,people  place or other things. And it is these objects ,people ,places & other things causes reappearances of these memories,otherwise stored and lost somewhere in the dungeons of mind. But dependency is mostly shadowed because of the vitality of status of memories. But one soon realize the exact vitality of those objects ,people places that made that memory ,that cause them to remain alive & not to be lost .This realisation alas! is mostly dawned on vanishing of these things in our lives & suddenly our memories are on life supporter .As these things ,objects ,people & places are like oil because of which fire of those memories remains burning in our minds & hearts. But what if that oil gets extinguished. Living in a house which is not just a house but a home of memories of love , pain, happiness, learning ...basically this house captured everything of my childhood ,adolescent which I can remember & some not ,but it exist on the sub level of my mind which resurfaces with every corner of the wall of my house .Don't know should I still call this ' my house ' now or not. I am a Rapunzel that's afraid of ,or more likely sorrowful about leaving my tower. And wouldn't Rapunzel had grown attached to the tower if she was surrounded by her loved ones. Maybe or maybe not. I know it's people that make a home but what about those corners, walls ,floors that have seen you grow, evolve ,break & mend like a silent spectator , a member in disguise. It is more painful as I know I won't be able to see it again . It's demolition makes it a no way back. It is this fear that makes me hold onto the memories more tightly , but yet also fearing that my desperate hold might not crush them and they end up falling like a sand from my hand & leaving nothing behind .And if I let loose ,I fear they might diminish with time . This is what I call the tragedy of  a sensitive soul, too attached to things that surrounds them & to easily ,making it difficult to survive in this crude world. Anguish prevailed in my heart. But then I heard those words , ' O my people , this worldly life is only ( temporary) enjoyment ,& indeed the Hereafter - that is home of ( permanent) settlement "[ Quran 40:39]. These words was not like I had heard them for the first time but this time they rattled me from within. Just like wind that blows and whisk our hairs as if whispering in our ears that AR RAHMAN SWT is the controller of what we can't see ,but we ignore the whisper ,too busy in the banters of the world . But now I have realized my utter foolishness ,as I desired for temporary instead of permanent settlement .It is natural to get attached to things we come to love but this attachment should not deviate one from ultimate goal. I know this house has many beautiful & bitter memories of my life ,but this life too is temporary ,it will also come to an end , but to be risen again infront of my Lord so that judgment could  be pass. Thus I have decided not to be mournful about losing temporary memories created in temporary world but to work hard to get a place - a perfect one in permanent world to create permanent memories.
So dear Heart , be courageous , don't get sorrowful as things leave & vanish but pray that from the ashes of these things rises the phoenix of permanent happiness . Let not run and chase after things that belong to temporary world , because then we will lose our permanent abode of prosperity and a sordid bargain it will be. And dear Heart , if you want to belong & get attach, then attach yourself to AR RAHMAN SWT  , WHO is only permanent in this temporary world THE As SAMAD, love HIM sincerely and deeply & you will see that a beautiful relationship will be established where heartbreaks has no existence , where love and care is unlimited .Dear Heart,
Let's chase this love

Sanobar

Bismillah

Do remember me and entire ummah in your duas

Faqat e Abd e Rahmana
Sadaf

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu🌿