Hijabi Not in Distress

Chapter 31

Continuation of Flashback (3 years ago): 

Sairah's POV: 

It's been exactly nine months since we said goodbye to Yusuf and he who shall not be named. Everyday I wish that I can go back in time and start all over. I wish I had proof that Ahmed's dad was a liar. I wish I had proof that I really loved Ahmed. I mean I still love him... painfully. God I'm the most pathetic girl on the planet! My heart still beats for the one who made it stop. 

I choke back a sob. No no more tears Sairah! No shedding tears on the boy who left you behind. On the boy who didn't even look back. On the boy who doubted you. On the boy who broke you. But I'll patch myself up-- I always do.  He's nothing to me.

"He's nothing to me." I repeat to myself. 

"Who's nothing?" Amina came in. We shared an apartment now and we were freshmen at UCLA. 

"Um uh..." I stutter trying to hide who I was thinking about. "Uh the mailman!" I blurt.

"The mail what now?" Amina laughs.

"The mailman." I repeat with a convincing nod.

"Uh huh and what about him?" She raises an eyebrow.

"He um he-"

"Ok Sairah let me let you in on a little secret. You only get all flustered and weird when you think about Ahm-"

"HEY!" I shoot her an annoyed glance. "No saying his name." I soften my voice.

"Okay okay I'm sorry." Amina held her hands up in defense."But you need to-" 

"I need to go to my room." I sigh setting down my coffee. 

"Sairah." Amina gives me a sad smile. Full of an emotion I despise...pity. "I hope-- I wish the best for you. You're my best friend and I love you." She hugs me. I hug her back tighter and give her a grateful smile.

"Also Nina's coming over tonight. So that'll be fun!" Amina tries to lighten the mood.

"That's great! We need a night to relax." I rub my forehead. We had all been cramming for finals and winter break would start in less than a day. "How are things with Yusuf?" I prop my head up with my palm.

"It's amazing! I hope this feeling- the blissful type of love lasts for-" She cuts herself off and gasps covering her mouth with her hand. "Sairah I'm so so sorry! God I'm such a dumb bit-"

"Hey." I shoulder shove her playfully. "You can say the word 'love', you know that right?. And you can talk about your relationship. Ahmed doesn't control my life or my emotions anymore." I give her a genuine smile... or at least a believable one.

"You said his name!" Amina gasps happily.

"I guess I did." I smile to myself. 

"But how?"

"Well he only has as much control over my emotions and my heart as I let him. It's time for me to face the fact that he's gone and I'll be okay." Amina raises an eyebrow at my statement. "Fine. More than okay." I give Amina a thumbs up.

She laughs and gives me a side hug. "Okay we need to get ready. Nina said she's coming at 7:30!" 

We both get up and get dressed. I put on a white mesh top with a camel brown undershirt paired with silk wide legged pants. Amina wears a beige ribbed sweater dress. 

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Nina came over and we went out for pizza at a fancy Italian restaurant across from our UCLA campus. Nina was wearing a maroon dress that had balloon sleeves. She said Marco was going to join us later.