Living With Them || StrayKids ff

{Chapter 32}

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Silence

A very loud silence

I just stood there frozen in my spot, not managing to process what he just said. I was dumbfounded to say the least.
The only thing I could do was stare in his eyes. But that was difficult as well. His gaze was so intense, it made me feel small and weak infront of him. Like a predator watching its pray.

"O-of course I'd believe you l-love me. I'm your fan after all. And you love your fans.", I stuttered so bad that made me blush out of embarrassment.
Though, what I said was the only logical explanation of what he said. He must have meant as a fan. He can't possibly love me in a romantic way, right? So I shouldn't misunderstand.

"What? That's not how I meant it.", he sighed and seemed a bit frustrated. Almost like he was mad with himself. Mad about something he couldn't do.

He looked down for a second before taking a deep breath and looking back at me again. Still in the close proximity.
I watch how he brings up his one hand, tucking a strand of my curtain bangs behind my ear. His eyes never leaving mine. Only for a split second I thought he lowered his gaze down to my lips. But it was too quick for me to realise it, as he stared back at me at once.

What caught me of guard though, was his next move.

He cupped my cheek and brought his face impossibly closer to mine, kissing my other cheek. My eyes shot up in surprise, as I stood there frozen for once more.
"Hope that makes my point clear.", he said with a warm, shy smirk, making his blush visible.

He realised how surprised I was because of him and he chuckled lowly.
"Just wanted you to know that, I don't love you only as a fan. You mean so much more to me. I was too afraid to say it, considering the circumstances, but I couldn't hold it anymore.", he added feeling sad and disappointed.

My heart sunk when I heard his words. No, this can't be. He can't- We- How am I supposed to get through that now? He said he loves me but it will never work. And we both know it.

"Felix...I-"

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you how I felt, not force you to return my feelings. You don't need to respond or anything. I know this can't work out either way.", he bitterly smiled and before breaking the distance between us, he kissed me on my forehead.

I instantly went up and hugged him, not wanting to let go. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he held my waist tightly. I wanted to tell him so many things but I couldn't. My mouth seemed to not collaborate with my brain. There were so many things I wanted to confess but my tongue felt numb and my mouth dry. All I could express, was the need for me to hug him. And thankfully, he seemed to understand that.

Breaking the hug, he took a step back but still chose to hold my hand. Silence filled the room, no one of us dared to speak. We just stood there staring at each other.

Both very shy I might add.

Just then, the door slamed open abruptly, startling the living shit out of us both.

"Yo, is the hot chocolate ready yet, I'm- oh.", Changbin stepped in curiously but when he saw Felix's and my hand locked, he stopped mid-sentenced his words.
"Am I interrupting anything? I'll leave if you don't want me.", He continued.

"N-no mate, you can stay. Nothing to interrupt.", Felix was quick to reply, looking embarrassed. He then let go of my hand and rubbed his neck instead.

"Mmkay.", he eyed us both, clearly not believing him.
"So... About that hot choco..?", he questioned slowly, probably wanting me to understand him better this way.