Desiderium

4| Good and Bad

L O R E N Z O

I was running my hand down my jaw while sipping whiskey from my glass. I leaned back on my leather chair and analyzed the paper I had on my desk until I got interrupted by my oldest son entering my office. He took a seat on the chair that was right beside me and handed me some paperwork.

Today was no different than any other day, it was ten at night and I was like usually in my home office working along with my son Leonardo. It had become a routine.

I don't remember when was the last time we sat all as a family and ate dinner together. We only see each other at breakfast. That's it.

I know that I had become a bad father, but I tried so hard. I tried to assemble the family back but I failed then I gave up because I was exhausted. The only one that takes care of us, checks on our health, and makes sure we eat and sleep well, is my second oldest son Emilio. He had always been the caring and loving brother, he took on the mother role and help his siblings when they needed him and for that, I will forever be grateful.

While Leo and I threw ourselves into work my other sons had different coping mechanisms. Emilio spends all of his time at the hospital treating patients since he is a doctor and when he is at home he cooks and makes sure everyone was okay.

Lucas, my third oldest was a literal mess after his mother left with his sister. He was always a momma's boy not to mention the fact that he was extremely close to his younger sister. Their departure broke him in so many ways, the way he choose to cope was dangerous, it ruined him even more, and it pushed him into an even darker place. We barely see him. He is either with his friends, at a party getting drunk, or with some girl, he had become uncontrollable and I wished his mother was here to bring some sense into him.

Moving on to the oldest pair of twins. Matteo the younger one always amazed me with his ability to constantly bring a smile to your face. He often tried to see the best in the worst situations. His smile and his happy aura are some of the things that kept this household alive.

Marco, the older twin was the complete opposite of his brother. He is cold, distant, and reserved. He is so quiet that sometimes you can't even notice that he was in the same room as you. He barely interact with anyone who wasn't his twin. Even if he does an amazing job at keeping an emotionless face, I was his father and I could always detect the pain that his eyes held.

Alexandre, my youngest son. Even if he burned the whole mansion to the ground just to let go of his anger and pain, I would have never blamed him. I simply couldn't. Not only did he lose his mother before he could even create memories with her that he would be able to remember but he also lost his twin, his other half, his sister. The person he was supposed to celebrate his birthday with, the person he was supposed to grow up with, the person he was supposed to share his high school experience with, the person he was supposed to be confined in. And he never saw the best version of me or the best version of his brothers, he saw the broken version of us. He lost it all.

It all happened the day after Arabella and Alexandre's third birthday. My wife packed her bags and ran away with our only daughter in the middle of the night without getting caught. It didn't surprise me that she managed to do it despite the tight security I had, she was, after all, one of the greatest assassins.

It was the last time we celebrated Alex and Bella's birthday since my son never wanted to celebrate without his twin even though we tried to get him to do something and enjoy his day, he never wanted to. He couldn't do it.

I never blamed my wife for leaving, she was protecting her—our daughter. Emilie Rosalie Martin Romano was a wise, strong woman. A woman many people, including myself admired. I knew she had a reasonable reason behind her departure, that's why I never could have resented her even if I wanted to my love for her was overpowering any bitter sentiment I had felt.