Fevered Kiss (MewGulf AU)

🌻Chapter 11

🌻

The room was pitch black by the time Gulf finished crying. His head was pounding. He hadn't cried like that in ages. The room was freezing because the heater wasn't on, but he felt hot and heavy. His throat was dry.

Gulf couldn't summon the energy to turn on the light, so he sat in the dark kitchen and slowly pulled the refrigerator door open. The soft light from the fridge hurt his eyes. He took out a bottle of mineral water, blinking against the light, and unscrewed the cap. He put it to his lips, and let the cold water fill his mouth. It was colder than he'd expected, and he gulped it down greedily.

His thirst quenched. Gulf heaved a sigh of relief. But the pain in his heart remained. It wasn't something that he could fix with a drink of water. Gulf clutched at the front of his sweater and breathed deeply. The pain didn't fade---if anything, it was fiercer than ever.

"So you'll sleep with anyone when you're drunk?" Gulf could hear that calm voice say. He pressed his lips together tightly. He thought he'd cried all tears he'd had to cry, but his eyes began to fill again.

Gulf's anger had disappeared, and all that was left in its place was misery and regret. 'Is that what Mew thinks of me? That was a pretty shitty thing to say.'

Of course Gulf wouldn't sleep with just anyone. He had slept with Mew because...because he was Mew.

The second he though it, Gulf's heart skipped a beat.

'What would I have done if it hadn't been Mew, but some other man? Or what if it had been a woman?'

Gulf shook his head, forehead pressed against his knees.

'No.'

He wouldn't want that. He couldn't imagine sleeping with anyone but Mew. Just imagining sleeping with a man who wasn't Mew made his skin crawl. He wouldn't even want to sleep with a woman. He wouldn't want anyone else to touch him so intimately, and he wouldn't want to touch anyone else. No way. He only wanted to do that with Mew.

A sharp pain shot through him, so severe that Gulf squeezed his knees reflexively. His mind...no every strand of hair, every inch of flesh all the way to the tip of his nails, every fiber of his being was full of desire for Mew. As if to prove it, a hot, melting sigh escaped his lips, "Mew...Mew..."

He had thought that calling Mew's name would lessen the pain, but it only made it worse. His temples throbbed, and his vision began to blur. "Mew!"

'I love him.'

The words floated unbidden into his mind. For a moment. He hesitated.

'That's ridiculous. Mew's a guy. I'm a guy!'

That's what his common sense was shouting. But his brain was too numb to think any further.

'I love him.'

The words flashed through him again like a magic spell. And this time, his common sense didn't resist. It couldn't. He didn't want anyone but Mew. Mew was the only one for him.

'I'm in love with Mew.'

These burning emotions, this fierce desire to make Mew belong to him, it couldn't be anything but love.

"I love him," Gulf whispered, and the emotions crashed over him. He'd thought of Mew as a nice guy---calm and quiet. Gulf had convinced himself that it was because Mew was so striking that he was always watching Mew. He'd convinced himself he'd slept with Mew because he was drunk, and that kissing Mew had felt too good to stop.

But none of that was true.

Gulf was in love with Mew. That was why he hadn't hated sleeping with the man, that was why he didn't resist the kisses, and that was why it always felt so good. The reason he hadn't asked why Mew jissed him was because he'd afraid that Mew would say he was just having some fun.

It wasn't because Gulf was addicted to kissing that he hadn't been able to stop---even after he'd found that Mew had a girlfriend. He hadn't wanted Mew to be in love with someone else. But he couldn't forgive Mew for having a girlfriend. It hurt even to think about Mew kissing someone else.

Gulf was jealous of that girl in the white coat. He didn't want Mew to kiss anyone but him. He didn't want Mew to look at anyone but him. He'd slept with Mew because it was Mew. Because he was in love with every part of Mew.

Gulf pressed his lips together, unable to stop himself from trembling. The reason it had taken him so long to understand his feelings was because Mew was a man. If Mew hadn't had a girlfriend, it probably would have taken him even longer to figure it out.

"Think about it." Mew had said.

'And then what?' Gulf wondered. 'What am I supposed to do after I've thought about it? I love Mew. Not as a friend, I want him to belong to me. I want to kiss him. I love him. So now what?'

Now that he knew, what could he do about it? Not only did Mew have a girlfriend, but Gulf was a man. Nothing could come of it, even if Mew didn't have a girlfriend. This love was over before it began---a distorted love that could never be returned. Gulf's first love---the first time he'd ever felt anything so strong.

"Mm..." His tears welled up against his closed eyelids. 'Mew, you idiot.'

There was no way that Gulf could go back to being just friends, not after he knew how he felt. He couldn't even bear to be near Mew. Gulf muffled a sob that threatened to escape.

"I'll be waiting," Mew had whispered. Gulf realized now that Mew's voice had been full of tenderness.

'Waiting for what? Mew really is an asshole. How could he say---and in such a tender voice---that he'd be waiting, when today might be the last time we ever talk?'

TBC