Sometimes he loves me

Chapter 19

EMMA

While Finn sends the last guests out of the house I take my mother to her room. She's stupidly drunk, but that's nothing new.

"I love you so much, Emma." My mother says as I help her to her bed where I let her sit. I hate it when she says that, she never says those words sober.

"I love you too, mom." I say as I take off her shoes and take off her jewellery. I carefully grab her legs and lay her in bed.

"I'm glad you and Finn found each other again." She sighs as she lets her head fall on the pillow.

"We're just friends, Mom."

"I didn't say you were anything else." She smiles softly and I feel my cheeks turn red from my own assumption. "You used to be inseparable from him, always sitting on that old roof together." She laughs. "Until they suddenly left. I could tell it broke you. I still remember you running to the window everytime a car stopped in front of the house, hoping it was him."

I hadn't realised she noticed all that. And I'm not sure if it should be a relief or if it should make me angry, since she never came to talk to me about it. She let me suffer alone.

She suddenly starts sobbing, "Your father and I were inseparable too..." I sit down next to her as her sobbing turns into uncontrollable crying. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

Despite all the fights my parents had every day, they were indeed inseparable. It was their way of love and definition of normal. They were both used to nothing but their love-hate relationship.

I put the blanket over her and stroke her black-gray hair. "I know mom..." I whisper.

I think ten minutes have passed when she's finally asleep. I tightly tug the covers over her and then give her a kiss on the forehead before standing up. She smells like beer, something I always hated as a kid. Now I can only pity her. I stroke her hair again and then turn to the door.

I'm startled when Finn is standing there, leaning against the door with his hands in his pockets.
"How long have you been standing there?" I ask in a whisper.

"A while." He whispers just as soft so that my mother doesn't wake up. "How are you feeling?" He asks as his gaze moves to my mother for a moment.

"I'm fine." I sigh. "Let's just go. I need some fresh air." I want to walk past him but he softly grabs my wrist and pulls me back, making me bump into his chest. When a little gasp escapes my lips, he grins.
I put my head back to look up at him angrily, but I'm actually too concerned with how close he is standing to me. I can't be angry, feeling his pounding heart through his black shirt.

He's holding me tightly, not giving me any chance to take a step back. And even if I could I don't know if I would want to. "How about we go for a walk, darling." He asks softly. His voice sounds too smooth.

"I came here with my car." I sound more disappointed than I intended.

"Hmm..." I see his eyes move to my lips before he looks at my eyes again. His pupils are bigger than usual, but that must be because of the weed. "A drive then?" He asks as he brings his face a little closer to mine.

"I don't know..." I whisper a little misty.

"Is your boyfriend coming over?" He asks to my annoyance. I don't know why it irritates me so much that Vincent is mentioned. Maybe because it reminds me that Vincent has been ignoring my calls and messages all week because of our argument last Saturday.

"I don't think so." I finally admit.

"Then what's stopping you?" His voice is low and seductive. The only thing holding me back is the little voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like Vincent's, but how do I explain that?

"You've had a rough week, a walk will do you good, we'll pick up your car tomorrow." He tries. When he seems to see the doubt in my eyes, he adds, "Come on, darling, I'm good company."

I'm sure he is.

After a long staring contest I give in to his charms. "Okay, Prince Charming. A walk won't hurt..." I say.

"Prince?" He offers his arm. "Darling I'm a king."

I snort and quickly put my hand to my mouth to keep myself quiet. "So full of yourself." I say, hooking my arm in his.

As we walk outside and replace the smell of beer with cold air, I take a deep breath, smooth out my yellow dress with my free hand and pull my hair clip out of my hair. My black locks fall down my back and over my shoulders. Finn was right, this has been a long week and fresh air works wonders.

"That dress looks-"

"Ugh stop it, I know. I know that the colour doesn't suit me." I say embarrassed. I feel bummed that I can't return it anymore, with that money I could have bought a dress that Vincent does like.

"What?" Finn asks confused. I look at him briefly.

"Vincent beat you to it." I explain and then look away. "He hates it too."

"I wanted to say that dress looks nice on you, darling."

"Oh... Really?" His words make me blush.

"Well what I wanted to say was that I'd rather see you without it, but I'll behave myself. We don't want your boyfriend to be mad at me."

He winks, making me giggle as I push him away softly. "Jerk." I laugh, but he grabs my wrists and pulls me closer, holding my hands to his chest.

"Such a filthy pretty mouth."

My eyes wander to his lips. They're full and look so soft. It is true that I had a crush on him when I was younger, but I didn't even know what love was back then. I never looked at Finn the way I do now.

I quickly avert my eyes, ashamed of my own thoughts. Feeling my switch he lets go of me and straightens his shirt. Before my eyes can travel to his black belt and below I stop myself.

"I never thanked you." I say to distract myself as we start walking again.

"For what exactly?" He puts his hands in his pockets and looks up at the black sky.

"For my car, and for saving me from Richard today." I mumble.

He's silent for a long while and then asks. "I saw how tense you became when he wanted to hug you."

"You noticed." I say and look down. Nobody ever noticed.

"What happened?"

I sigh, ready to finally share some of my darkness with someone. "Remember how he came by every Saturday to watch the game with my dad?" I ask.

"I remember." Finn replies.

"I was just a little girl when he-" I hide behind my hair from his gaze. "He touched me." My words die out, but then I suddenly get overwhelmed with wanting to tell him everything. "My parents were too drunk or hungover to notice when he took me to my room or the bathroom." I say, suddenly so fucking angry at them. "It's been years since I last saw him though, I've been able to avoid him since I was 13, but he still creeps up in my mind. His scent, his eyes, even his voice. It haunts me at night."

When Finn stays quiet and I finally find the courage to look up at him he seems like a different person. He has this look in his eyes that makes me wonder how many people he has killed. When he blinks the darkness is gone, with nothing left but the Finn I know.

He takes my hand in his. "I promise you that I won't let him get near you ever again, darling."