Sometimes he loves me

Chapter 29

EMMA

After waiting in an alley for a while to make sure he didn't follow me, I finally dare to go into Finn's house. Fortunately Finn's mother has already left for her night shift, so I can head straight for the guest room. I haven't even seen her yet, but that's the last of my concerns right now. I've only been here since yesterday anyway. I'm glad Finn gave me a key to the house before I left, so I can go inside without him seeing me. Although I know for a fact he's been waiting for me to come home since he knew I was going to Vincent. I quicken my pace when I hear Finn in his room, and when I hear his door open, I quickly close mine. I lean against the cool wood with my back as I feel a panic attack coming up.

I am startled by a soft knock on the door. "Emma?"

My breathing is shaky and my legs even worse, but I quickly walk to the bed and get under the covers so I can pretend to be asleep.

"I know you're in there, darling." He softly says. "Are you alright?"

My whole body shivers from my quick heartbeat. I feel like I'm starting to hyperventilate and can't keep myself quiet from Finn anymore.

"I'm coming in." I hear the door open, but I keep the covers over my head as if he can't see what's going on. You can hear my panic attack from miles away so it's not of much use.

I feel the bed move when he sits down next to me, the covers disappear but I can't open my eyes. I can barely hear what he's saying, the only sound that fills my ears is the hissing of my blood through my body followed by my own sobs. Only when he puts his hand on my arm my head quiets a little and I hear Finn's voice again. "Emma..." His voice breaks a little, but why? Why would he even care, my boyfriend of three years never cared if I cried or had a panic attack. Or ex boyfriend I should say.

He gets under the covers and holds me. I can feel his calm breathing against my back as he spoons me, his arm tightly around my stomach, but not uncomfortable.

"Breathe." His soothing voice vibrates through my body like a cat's purr. It's only now that I realise how much I've missed him and how safe I feel with him around. I never want to move again, and lay in his arms like this forever.

I don't know how long we stay in this position, but it's long enough to completely calm me down. The only evidence of my panic attack is my smeared makeup, which I bought with Finn after we went to the gym.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The hum of his voice makes me want to snuggle him more, but I hold myself back. Instead of pressing myself against him, I turn on my back and look up at him. He doesn't move, his arm still rests around my stomach and he rests his head on his hand to look down at me.

His eyes are soft and patient when I try to speak "I..." My voice is hoarse so I clear my throat and try again "I broke up with Vincent."

Finn's face doesn't reveal a thing, but he seems to have to think about what to answer. "How do you feel about it?" He finally asks.

I look away and shrug my shoulders slightly. "I don't know, I just never- I just wanted-" I take a deep breath and then look at him again. "I just pictured everything differently..." I always thought Vincent was perfect, wearing my pink heart-shaped glasses, but after a while it became painfully obvious that he wasn't. Yet, I kept trying. I tried so fucking hard to make it work. To make us perfect for each other. To see his wounded inner child and try to heal him.

"Sometimes things don't go the way we plan them, darling. And sometimes it's better that way." Finn says softly. When his eyes drift to my lips, he quickly corrects himself and looks back at my eyes again, knowing that now is not the time for whatever he is thinking about.

"But I love him..." A tear rolls over my face and falls into my hair.

"Does he love you too?"

What a stupid question, why would he be with me if he didn't love me? Why would he say he loves me if he doesn't? But why would he cheat if he loved me? Why would he seek attention from other women if only I was enough for him? Why would he hurt me again and again and promise that he will change for me but doesn't.

"Sometimes..." I am startled by my own honesty. "Sometimes he loves me."

"Sometimes isn't enough, darling." Finn's words are harsh and painful, but necessary. He's right, even though I may have already known this subconsciously. "You deserve someone who really loves you, someone who will show you every day of their life." His eyes go to my lips again, and this time mine go to his. "Someone who would burn the world for you." He adds.

Suddenly I become aware that he's stroking the bare skin of my waist with his fingertips so slowly and tenderly that I didn't even feel it until now. His gaze falls on my neck and he frowns, I don't understand why, until I remember what Vincent did to me less than half an hour ago. Funnily enough, I don't hide the red marks when Finn brings his hand up and gently touches them. The pain, which I had forgotten about, even seems to disappear with his touch.

"When you broke up, how did he react?" He suddenly asks as if looking for certain puzzle pieces that will complete the puzzle. I know what he means and I'm scared to answer, but my silence says enough... I can see it in his eyes. It is the darkest and most evil expression I have ever seen on him, as if someone has touched his most precious possession.

Come on just say it, he already knows. Vincent beat and strangled you. Say it. It's the truth isn't it? You have to say it. You ran to Finn's house for a reason.
The little voice in my head is driving me crazy. I don't want Vincent and him to fight. It's over so I just want to forget everything now. There's nothing more to do, it's in the past.

"Emma, ​​what did he do?" He asks again when I don't answer, his tone is a bit more urgent now. Every fibre in his body hates what Vincent did to me, so I tell him everything.

There is a long silence as soon as I have finished my story. "Where is he now?" Finn finally asks.

"I don't know. I left him in his office and don't know if he's still there." My heart aches a little when I think back to the way Vincent held me, that moment when I thought everything would be okay. Was that our last hug? Why does this feel so heartbreaking after everything he's done to me?

My thoughts are interrupted when Finn gets out of bed. "What are you going to do?'" I immediately get up too, feeling tense.

"Go back to bed, Emma." He commands and walks out of the room.

Feeling my heartbeat rise I follow him down the stairs. "What are you going to do, Finn?" I ask again as he puts on his shoes.

"I'm just going to talk to Vincent. Go back to bed, darling." He doesn't look at me when the words leave his lips and doesn't sound like himself at all.

He has already opened the front door, making me grab his arm in a blind panic. "What? No! No, you won't. Finn, please." My stomach turns at the idea.

He turns to me and looks at me. I hardly recognize him. "I've had to watch him hurt you too many times. I've had to shut up too many times while he treats you like dirt. The only reason I haven't done anything to him yet is for you, Emma. You're the reason I haven't killed him yet, because I don't want to hurt you. But there is a limit. So you have two choices; come with me or stay here, but I'm going."

Finn is on his motorcycle before I can even think about what he just said. When I seem to be breaking apart from stress and tension from the inside, I quickly run over to him and climb on the back of his motorcycle. I'd better be there to make sure it doesn't get out of hand.