Redacted ASMR headcanons & one-shots

incorrect quotes # 1

David: Were you dropped on your head as an infant?

Darlin: Bold of you to assume I was held

~~~~~

Asher: I like your pants

Babe: Thanks! They were 50% off

Asher: I'd like them 100% off

Babe: The store can't just sell free stuff

Asher: That's not what I-

Babe: That's a terrible way to run a business, Ash

~~~~~

Starlight, cuddling Avior: I love you

Avior, grumpily: I'm a demon, let go of me

Starlight: oh okay

Avior:

Avior: Wait, no come back-

~~~~~

David: I just want to hear those three little words

Angel: I love you

David: That's sweet but try again

Angel: I will behave

David: There we go

~~~~~

Darlin: What if I pour coffee into my cereal instead of milk?

Sam, taking the coffee pot as he walks by: What if you don't

~~~~~

Lovely, opening a Capri sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away

~~~~~

Freelancer: I haven't eaten since 11, I'm so hungry

Huxley: Damn bro, how old are you now?

~~~~~

Darlin: What are you, five?

Lovely, snorting: Yeah, five heads taller than you

Darlin:

Lovely:

Lovely: I'm sorry please don't kill me

~~~~~

Asher: What are you implying about my baking skills?

Milo: That they're non-existent

Asher: I didn't think it was possible to be as rude as you are being right now

Milo: And I didn't think it was possible to barbecue brownies so I guess we're both learning

~~~~~

Lovely: I suppose I'm not that cute

Vincent: Let me stop you right there

Vincent: *takes out a 467983-page essay* Now let me explain why your theory is incredibly incorrect

~~~~~

Vincent, opening the door: After you

Lovely: No after you

Vincent: I insist, after you

Lovely: No, no, after you

Alexis, pushing past both of them: After me

~~~~~

Babe: How long are you gonna stand there and let him do that?

David: Just give him a minute

*Babe & David turn to watch Asher putting dirty dishes in the oven*

David:

Babe:

David: He'll figure out he's doing something wrong eventually

~~~~~

Angel, rushing into the room: Guys the floor is lava!

*Angel & Sweetheart jump onto the couch screaming*

Babe, slowly laying down on the floor: Oh no

Angel: Babe! The floor is lava, get on the couch!

Babe, sighing and not moving an inch off the ground:  I wish I could but the lava is just too much

Sweetheart, with tears in their eyes: wE can't lose you like this!

Babe: I'm sorry, I think it's my time to go

Angel & Sweetheart: NOOOOOOOO