THE RHYTHM OF US: RYEJI

Chapter 37: Taste of Tequila (not erasing her)

Ryujin's POV

I never liked dealing with feelings.

Relationships were a territory I'd sworn off, so why was anger bubbling within me now?

I never gave her assurance, I only gave her kisses.

I didn't want my past to define me, yet I never seem to prove to her that what we have is different.

I left her, didn't call, didn't text, didn't go to their house, and here I was, forcing a smile at whatever Lia was saying in front of me, even though I hadn't registered a single word she said.

I should've warned Yeji to run away from me.

She thinks I'm playing with her, and I hate that I can't entirely blame her. I never made the gravity of my emotions clear.

She told me she was falling, and I stayed silent.

She told me she's falling without realizing I had fallen for her long before.

She kisses me, yet doubts me.

With each tender kiss, she tells me she feels the same, and a relentless question claws at my conscience—did she even mean it?

Two days passed, marked only by the deafening silence that has settled between us. Four days loom ahead, a ticking countdown to my departure.

"So, are you up for it?" Lia's voice breaks through the haze of my thoughts.

"Up for what?" I ask, my mind still tethered to the intricate web of emotions.

"You haven't been listening, have you?" Lia teases, her smile carrying a hint of understanding.

"I'm sorry," I admit, trying to shake off the weight of my contemplations.

"It's fine," she reassures me, her smile unwavering. "About what I said, can you be my chaperone?"

Arching an eyebrow, I inquire, "Why do you need one?"

Lia grins mischievously. "I get messy when I'm drunk."

In my contemplative silence, she presses on, "Don't tell me you're not going."

"I don't think I can be in the same space as Yeji right now," I confess, the truth hanging in the air.

"It's Hyunjin's birthday, though. He would love to see you," Lia persuades, her words carrying a tone of encouragement. "You came for Hyunjin, not Yeji."

"What time again?" I ask, my voice revealing a subtle reluctance.

"6 pm," she replies, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"I'll try," I respond, the words hanging in the air as uncertainty lingers. With that, I turn and make my way back home.

As I lay in bed, the weight of the changing dynamics settled upon me like a heavy fog.

One moment we were entwined in kisses, our laughter echoing in the room, and the next moment, communicating had become something we don't even do.

The air felt heavy with words we left unspoken; the room, which was a witness to the transformation of the connection we once held, now echoes distance.

In the past years, every inch of this room has been touched by our shared moments. In the next few years, I'm not even sure if we'll see each other.

The soft glow of the bedside lamp, once a backdrop to our shared stories, now cast shadows that danced with the uncertainties of the future.

Contemplating everything, I recognized the bittersweet melody that accompanied distance. It is a gradual process of learning to let go.

When I stood up, I had one goal: to drown in alcohol, but instead, I found myself drowning in memories of her.

"You're not possibly drowning here, instead of just talking to her," Chaeryeong remarked as she entered my apartment.

"I am very much not drowning, Chae," I replied, mustering a half-smile. "Thanks for the concern."

"This is not what's supposed to happen," she asserted.

"What do you mean?" I inquired.

"Yeji's been absent in our practices, and when I talk to her, it's as if she's not present; I know she's thinking of you," she divulged. "And you're not gonna tell me I'm wrong; I refuse to be gaslighted."

"What drink do you prefer?" I asked her, gesturing to the collection of alcohol.

"I am not gonna get myself drunk; there's a whole party later," she declared.

"Okay, then," I conceded as I poured myself a drink. I could have chosen whiskey, red wine, champagne, or a simple scotch on the rocks—all available options that normally sufficed. But when the taste of tequila graced my lips, a floodgate of memories rushed in.

In that poignant moment, I was transported back to a time when we danced together, oblivious to the world's judgments. She was clad in a sorority t-shirt, the same one she wore when we were sky high in Seoul—lips pressed against the bottle, swearing that we would always be there for each other, whether together or far apart.

"I do regret not telling her as soon as I made a decision," I admitted.

"Why didn't you?" she questioned, though I knew she had no inkling of what decision I was referring to.

In the hushed atmosphere, I confessed, "Because we both know that I'd willingly sacrifice anything for her," my voice laden with the gravity of truths left unsaid.

Suddenly, a burst of dissent echoed through the room. "Y'all are acting like you're already girlfriends, and one cheated!" she exclaimed, her voice cutting through the air. "You don't even have a label."

"Shut up!" I retorted, and laughter erupted between us, a spontaneous release of tension.

Amidst the shared mirth, she interjected, "She doubts your real intention. She's never been in a relationship, Ryujin, and we both know that."

I nodded in acknowledgment, prompting her to delve further into the complexities. "And we both know, you have a not-so-good history," she sighed, unraveling a shared understanding.

"You know more than I thought you do," I observed, surprised by the depth of her insight.

"I just act like I don't, because I'm afraid you both might be awkward because of it," she admitted, revealing a vulnerability beneath her usual composure.

A smile played on my lips as I appreciated her candor. "So, what should I do?" I asked, seeking guidance in this delicate dance of emotions.

"Stop drinking," she advised, her tone shifting to a more serious note. "We still have a birthday party to enjoy, and you still have a 'not-yet-girlfriend' who is mad at you right now to take back," she concluded, punctuating her words with a sense of urgency.

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A/N: Sooo, I saw this post on x (Twitter) that criticizes a book (like a physical one) with a playlist, and the comments are full of "it's so Wattpad coded" like it's a bad thing. So I will release a playlist chapter here, whether you like it or not. 😌

Also, for this story, I actually completed it already, like a long time ago, but up until now, I still haven't made an epilogue.

I feel like it's been ages since I made an author's note 🤧