I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 8

Judging and Praying

** Ethan**

{next day}

It has been a busy day at the fire house. I don’t think I have had any sanity. A town close to ours had a bad wild fire and we went to assist. We not long ago go the fire under control and I am about to leave for the rest of the night.

“Yo, E. Why was you late last night for church services? You are usually their before anybody else is.” “I just lost track of time. Curtis I was only five minutes late.” “I know that, but do you remember I wanted you to meet my new lady.” I then dawned on me. “Curtis I am so sorry. You are right I am their at least 30 minutes early in case someone needs me.” “Don’t worry we can hopefully do dinner later this week?” “Yes, sounds like a plan. Reminds me of ack in high school you had all the girls. I may have been captain of the football and baseball team but once girls found out that I wasn’t a partier and still a virgin and was going to remain that way is slowed down but never stopped.” Me and Curtis laughed at that memory.

“Ethan, where were you?” He asked in a serious concern tone. “After I left church I went to go see Journee.” “You can’t be serious?” “Yes, I am and we had a lovely afternoon.” “Just what did yall do?” I watch Curtis fold his arms over his chest. “We watched movies and ate junk food. It was the best time I have had in a long time.” “Do you hear yourself. Ethan, man c’mon she is a prostitute and stripper you are a pastor. What are you thinking?”

I look at Curtis “I expected this from other people but you Curtis. Yes, I know what she is but why does that have to be what everybody labels her as. Why can’t she just be a woman. A woman who is scared and broken and nobody knows why. Why because no one has ever taken the tome to talk to her and ask her. No one knows what it is like to be a pastor unless they are one. We take on thing others don’t. You don’t know what it is like to get calls at two or three in the morning for suicide attempts or even here the person take their life. You don’t have to get up when it’s a death in a church members family. Woman call at three fake crying my husband cheating can we have a private meeting just to come on to me or say I wish I had you. I’m a pastor but I am also still just a man.” I took a deep breath looked at Curtis and vented more.

“Journee is a woman who I meet with the intentions of getting information from, but I don’t know what has happen along the way. Maybe God has made it so that our paths cross. I don’t know. Maybe I am here to help her find her way, let her see and know it’ s more to life and she is much better than that. When I look at her I see a broken soul who is crying out for help and nobody has taken the time to see hear her cries because they are too busy judging her when not one person has said ‘hear let me help you’.”

“Man, answer me this does people truly know why I became a fire fighter? Do they know how much I had to fight with my parents when God called me because they had other plans for me?” “Ethan, ma..” I cut him off. “Answer the questions.”

I don’t think its many or if it is even any at the church that know your grandmother was at my grandparents’ house when it got caught on fire. I don’t believe they know we tried to go and save them.”  “Yet, everyone wants me married to whoever because in their eyes I need a wife. Why do I need a wife so bad? When God places her in my life I will know, but at this moment God is being selfish with me and keeping me to himself and I doing HIS will nothing else matters to me.”

I was so heated I just turned and left. I heard Curtis calling my name in the distance but right now I just need some one on one time with God.

[at home] 

I felt drained when I got home.

I got my bible turned to 2 Corinthians 12:9

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

God, I know I am weak in my journey and I need you more than ever. Lord where ever you lead me I will follow without hesitation. You called me to be your vessel God, your servant. I need you now more than ever. I am so close to you yet it feels as if it is not enough. God please let me hear from you I need to hear your voice, I need to feel your presence. God please make me whole I surrender to your will, your way God I am your please God fix me, heal me, make me one with you.  God, when your done with me please heal Journee let her know you are there for her can will never leave her. God

Amen

Comment:

Vote: