I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 45

Finally

** Ethan**  
(4 months later)

“Journee” I yell at her through her house. I don’t hear any thing so I yell again “Journee.” Still nothing I call her name again “Journee.” I open the door to her bedroom and walk in and kiss her cheek. She looks up at me. “What are you doing here? And why are you waking me up?” “Sit up and look.” I watch the smile spread across her face. “Ethan.” “Yes.” “Thank you. Shouldn’t you be at work though?” “I am but I came to make you breakfast before I went in. It doesn’t hurt that I want to see you.”  “This is sweet. But go to work.” “Yes ma’am. I smile at her then kiss her cheek then give her a quick peck on her lips. “You haven’t brushed your teeth” I say while laughing and walking towards the door. “What ever. Have a good day at work. I love you.” I Turn to her and look her in her big brown eyes. “I love you. I’ll be back when I get home.”

**Journee**
After Ethan leaves for work I think back to when we first said to each other ‘I love you’
{Flashback 3 months}

“Journee, go out with me tonight?” “Why in the hell do we need to go out again. I already said I will marry you. What the hell else do you want?” “Journee” “Ethan” “Language” “English please” “Very funny. Now tonight me, you, a date.” “I guess I can fit it in.” “What else to you have planned.” “I had prior plans.” “Such as” “well my first date ws going to be with Mr. tub followed by a threesome with Mr. bed and pillow.” “I’ll pick you you 6:00.”

“A picnic on the beach.” I laugh lowly and Ethan looks at me “You notice how most of our dates are on either the lake or beach.” “Yeah I remember but I love the water.” “So, do I Ethan.” We sat and ate in silence and Ethan kept looking at me.

“What Ethan, damn. I can’t even eat right now. You keep looking at me. What the hell is it?” “Let’s go for a walk.” “Ethan, you done took me away from my other date now I can’t fucking eat?” “Your over reacting.” Ethan stretched out his hand towards me. I took it and he gently pulled me up to him.

“Come on” As we walk Ethan interlaces our hands together and look at me. “God is so amazing.” “Where did that come from Ethan.” “Look around. Look at all of God’s beauty.” “It is beautiful here.” “It is but there is something else more beautiful.” “Like” “Journee. I know I asked you to marry me and my heart is so full but we need to talk about something.” I got a funny feeling all over.

“Oh shit. Ethan, did you see that?” “See what.” “It was fucking Jaws.”  “Journee” “you didn’t see that big ass shark.” “Sharks are not even around here.” “Are you sure.” “Yes, Journee I’m positive.” “Then we need to call SWAT.” I watched Etah roll his eyes. “Is it a reason why you are rolling your eyes. You act like you don’t believe me.” “I’m not acting. I don’t.”  “That’s harsh.” “I’m serious now.”

“What is it.” Ethan grab my hand and we started walking again. He pulled us closer to the water thinking I didn’t notice. “We are getting to close to the water Ethan.” He picks me up likes he is about to throw me in the water. “Ethan, stop it now.” “Stop what” he laughts. “Soon as I get down I’m kicking your ass.” Ethan swung me out as if he was about to toss but he didn’t let me go. And I screamed so loud. “Ethan” I looked at him and he was just smiling. 

He carried me bridal style while we walked in the water and I laid my head on his shoulders. “God created this moment just for us.” Ethan said and then kissed my lips. After a little bit, Ethan put me down and stood behind me. He snaked his arms round my waist and I leaned my head back on his body. “Journee. I have never meet anyone like you and I can’t tell you how happy I am.” “You mean a stripper.” “No. I mean someone who is so amazing and I can’t believe is all mine.” “Ethan, do you find it crazy that we didn’t even date before we ended up here.” “Yes, which is why I told you I wanted to date you. I don’t only want to be your husband I want to be your best friend, pastor, leader, strenght, weakness, I want to be everything.” I nod my head at look at the scenary before us.

“Journee what kind of wedding do you want.” “How the fuck should I know. I never thought I would be getting married. Whores don’t ring Ethan.” “Stop referring to yourself as that because you are not that. You are a beautiful woman who I can not wait to know more about.”

“I actually want to know more about you Ethan.” Ethan laughs. “Thank you. How many Kids do you want?’ “None and oh yeah none.”  “Our kids will never replace Oliver.” “I’m not having kids anymore.” “Is it because eit is a little bit of discomfort.” I broke free from Ethan arms and turned to face him. “What did you just say.” “A litt.” “Shut the fuck up with that little. It more than a little discomfort. That shit hurts. You push a fucking chevy tahoe out your pee hole and then say it’s a little discomfort. Don’t get me wrong my son is the best thing to happen to me and came out of my fucked-up life but having him was brutal.” 

“But it was worth it right.” I smile thinking of seing my son. “Yeah it was but im not having kids Ethan.” “Can I ask you something.” “Sure” “How do you feel.” “I feel fine even though you took me away from the food.” “That’s not what I mean.” “I knew I had feeling for you for a while but I.” I cut Ethan off.

“Damn do yo.” Ethan cut me off. “No I didn’t se a pink unicorn sprinkling glitter every where and neither did you. Look at me Journee.” I look up in his ocean eyes and feel the waves of emotions crash upon me. “I’m falling in love with you Journee. I am not just saying this because we are getting married. I mean it. I smile just thinking about you. I know that isn’t love but I can’t really explain it. Its like a balloon its all flat but when you blow it gets bigger and bigger. Then just when you think it can’t ge any bigger you blow again and it expands.” “It also burst.” “Sweetheart love doesn’t burst.” “I don’t know what to do. All im good at doing is taking off my clothes.”

“Before we get married I want you to take about a month just for yourself. And really find you. I mean the you I see, the you that I love. I love everything about you.” “Even what I do.” “Yes, even what you did. I am not God it is not for me to judge you or anyone else. Last I checked Jesus is not hiring and does not need anyone to help him. You never lied about who you are but worse is that you don’t even really know who you are therefore I can’t really know you. What I do know I love the parts of you I have found.” 

“Ethan” “I’m scared to Journee. Together we will learn and grow.” What if you find out something about me that you don’t know and you are ready to leave.” “Love I’m not going any where.” I looked p at Ethan.
“I love you too”

{Flashback over}

I hear a knock at my door. I open to see the last person I ever thought would be here.

“What are you doing here? What do you want?”

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