I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 43

Learning Truths

***Journee***

Ethan left going to church while Curtis and I stayed. Looking down at my ring I smile to myself and say, ‘why me?’ “Because he is falling in love with you.”  I look up to see Curtis standing at the door. I gave and sat beside me on the bed. “Congratulations. Ethan asked me to take you out the day he propsed even thought you turned him down.” We both laughed. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting it and then and he makes me happy.” I smile to myself then continue. “It’s hard to explain so hard. Iat times I hate him. I mean I really hate him Curtis. The way he always put hisself in myself every damn time I turned around he was there. Yet at the same time he made me feel things I never felt before and it got to the point where all I wanted to do was being around him but not be around him. It’s like he breaks me but makes me at the same time. And you know what Curtis?”

He looks at me weird. “What’s that?” “It scares me. Everybody leaves me in some way or another.” We got interrupted by Curtis’s phone going off. While he was on the phone I went to take a shower. After the long relaxing shower, I got out and got dressed and saw a note from Curtis saying he had to run in to work for about an hour just to fill in for someone and telling me not to leave the house.
I quickly got dressed, wrote Curtis a note and left. 

I pulled up to the last place I wanted to be at but the place I needed too be at. I got out and knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. I quickly turned my ring around just as the door swung open. 

“May I speak with you for a moment?” She stepped out on the porch and stood in front of me. “What would you like to talk about.” “Mrs. Harbin, I just want to know why you thought bringing those people in my life would hurt me? They are not my parents. I never had a dad and my mom died.” “They had sex and made you.” “Dogs make puppies. Whats your point. You ended up doing more damage to Ethan than to me.” “My son will soon forgive me.” “I actually hope he does I want my soon to be husband family together. I don’t wan.” She cut me off/

“Your what?” “Ethan asked me to marry him and I said yes.” I slowly turned my ring around and watched her face. “My son is getting married.” She said lowly. I shook my head yes. “He didn’t tell me, us his parents.” I watch the pain shed from her eyes. “Everybody has their limits.” “And I have mine.” She said with anger clearly shown all over her face. 

I walked away and went back to Curtis’s house and begin cooking for Curtis, Ethan, and me. 

After about two hours Ethan and Curtis both came home as I was finishing up. I heard them enter the house and the door close behind them. I yelled “Get cleaned up. It’s time to eat.” “I thought I could come and say, hello first.” “Hey Ethan, now go get cleaned up.” I heard him laugh as he left out of the room.” While they were doing that I fixed our plates that held of grilled peach pork chops, fried orka, and macaroni and cheese. Just as I was pouring tea in my glass they came in and saat at the table.

After Ethan said grace we begin eating. “Journee what kind of meat is this?” “It’s grilled peach porks Curtis. I hope you don’t mind I used your grill.” “I don’t mind at all. It’s really good. I have never had pork chops like this before.” Ethan’s phone went off and he looked down at the text then his phone rung. He excuessed himself and walked to another room.

Before we knew it, Ethan was back in the room amd said he had to leave but he was going to change before he left. I noticed he put his phone down I went to go look at. I got a bad feeling and looked at my ring. “Hey you alright?” Curtis asked me. I turned and smiled at him. “Yeah I am.” Ethan came out the room. He kissed my cheek then looked at me and smiled “I’ll be back in a little bit.” He kissed my forehead then went and told Curtis something and left.” 

“I’m going to clean up the kitchen.” I say to Curtis. “Do you need some help?” Before I could answer Curtis, phone pinged. “I have to go. I will be back soon.” I watched him rush out the door.

**Ethan**

I walked back into my church with all my congregation there and the leaders of the church at the front. I didn’t even bother going to the pulpit I got a chair and sat facing everyone. 

“Deacon Anderson, you requested this emergery meeting. May I ask what it is pertaining to?” “I understand you are in engaged now. Is this information true?”
“Yes, it is. Her name is Journee.” “Is it true that that she is a prostitute and stripper?” I took a deep breath and very lowly said ‘God I trust you.’ I looked Deacon Anderson in his eyes. “Yes, she is.” I heard a lot of gasp and got plenty of looks at me.

“Do you intend to keep pastoring?” “Of course, I do. What kind of question is that.” “Then you will have to do it in another church.” “Why not here?” “Because we can not have some one like her taint our church. She sells herself and takes off her clothes for money and stangers.” “How did you come to hve this information.” “Rev. Harbin let’s not change the subject.” I was about to speck when I heard

“Stop”

I turned to my left and saw Journee standing there. I got up and walked over to her. “What are you doing here?” “I went to see your mom trying to mend the relationship between y’all.” I looked out and saw Chloe sitting there with her parents and mine sitting behind them. I turned back to Journee “everything will be fine. Go home and I’ll be there soon as I can.”

I watched her walk - in front of the church and she looked at me. “Look at this.” Her hand wave across the crowd. “Only two people know me. The others see and know what I do. That’s fine with me but you shouldn’t pay that price because of me.” I watched her face slowly break and her pain begin to seep out as tears begin to fall.

“Ethan, I can’t and wont destroy you and what you have built here in this church and in this community. I am not a good person to be with. They are right I am a whore I sleep with men for money.” She turned and faced the congregation. 

“I became like this when I was a teenager because I had nothing and nobody. The monster who was supposed to be my foster dad whored me out, but not for money for his own pleasure then it went futher to his friends. When I lost my son, I lost everything. Until you Ethan I had nothing and nobody.” I watch her begin to slide the ring off her finger.

“Do you remember on my birthday after I sung and I told you to leave me alone just basically never see me again.” I watched her walk towards me as I shook my head in a yes motion. “You should of did just that. I have brought nothing but hell and destruction to your life.” Journee hugged me tight and kissed me. She looked at me with broken eyes and put the ring in my hand and she ran out of the church.

I looked at everybody. “Her streghth and her brokenness is what makes her who she is. Her past is just was it says past. So why is it that nobody will let her leave from there. She doent live there any more but everybody keeps her isolated in there. Why.”

After I spoke, I took off running after Journee just as she was about to get in her car. I grabbed her and held her tight and she cried in my arms.  

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