Unhinged

three

***

Yesterday was a lot.

Ada told me why she thinks she shouldn't be here, and it's very valid. She's very nice - too nice actually.

She confessed to me that she was in the process of getting into a more serious relationship with this female. Though just when she was about to - she was chosen for the competition.

Her girlfriend told her to do it because she'd regret holding her back, but it's obvious Ada can't do it. We both spoke in a private area, so I'm certain no one heard.

She wanted it to be a secret, so of course I respected that. I won't tell anyone because it's not my business to tell. Though I wonder what she'll do about it.

...I told her she didn't have to do something she didn't want. That no one will judge her if she is to tell Maximus the truth of her situation. Though she's sticking it out for her girlfriend...so I wonder how that will go.

I wish I had someone to love. A person I can have feelings for and they have feelings for me...

I've never dated anyone and I've only had two crushes. Both of those crushes were distracted by my differentiation and also didn't like me so...

I found myself sighing in bed, my eyes moving onto the clock. I saw it was five in the morning. It's unfortunate because when I was working I had to wake up at five everyday. Had to be at work by seven.

Now I just wake up and I have nothing to do. Kind of feel like I don't deserve this - still. What I should be doing is my job. If anyone wanted this the most it was Erik.

He told me how much he wanted this and in the end, I got it - even though I joined as a joke. Because I truly didn't think I'd be chosen.

I sigh deeply, going to the bathroom as I brush my teeth. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I wondered what there was to like.

All my life I seemed to have disappointed someone. My parents are the ones I've disappointed the most. They only had one child and it happens to be a Beta.

Not to mention they have good jobs and actually do good things. While I clean restaurants and get paid fifteen dollars an hour.

I can't cook - at all. I have no communication skills - to an extent. My looks are average...

I slam my hands on the counter, sighing in frustration. What was the point of me being here?

It's almost like I'm here as a joke.

I finish brushing my teeth, just starting to clean my face. I wondered what would happen if I left my hair down this time. Would it make me look more basic than I already do?

Leaving my hair relaxed, I stare into the mirror. Then I sigh in frustration because it wasn't working for me.

I leave the bathroom and go back to the bed. Though as I sat here I saw outside the window someone walking up in a gray hoodie. It was weird to me because they just went to our door as well.