𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲 • Lorenzo Zurzolo

09

My blood bumps in my ears, my feet hurt in those heels like I'm walking on nails and every limb of my body is telling me to lay down and sleep for 24 hours straight.

But this is right where I want my body when the full exhaustion hits but the adrenaline keeps pumping in my veins that it holds me up and concentrate on the thing I'm good at. There is no time to think or speak just act. It comes naturally and to say I feel powerful in my short black lace dress is an understatement.

I walk through the club my steps long and elegant and I feel the eyes of the men on me while I pass them and make my way towards the room with the pink door. I don't bother to knock because I know he's expecting me. Mark is a regular here at our club and he's really sweet. For his fifty four years he stayed really attractive.

Mark is the type of man that looks better with his grey hair that flows in soft waves it's a big contrast to his ice blue eyes. He's always gentle and very generous.

"Bella." He greets me with a charming smile which I reciprocate. I swing my hips while I walk over to him and lean down to kiss both his cheeks.

"It's nice to see you Mark." I say softly while I walk over to the box to put on some soft tunes.

"How are you? How was work?" I ask him while I slowly start to dance for him my hips swinging to the rythm. My eyes are sharpened with a purple eyeliner and I put on some gloss to excentuate my lips which makes Mark glance down at them every few seconds.

"Exhausting but I'm happy that it's finally the weekend." He says and I smile while I let my hands glide through my hair.

"So everything's fine at work no trouble with the landlord?"

"No thankfully not my lawyer dealt with it." He says and I nod.

"That's really good." I say and slowly walk towards him sitting on his lap while my legs are either on one side beside his thighs. He slowly places his hands on my waist and I smile lightly making his blue eyes shine happily.

"You know you're my favorite?" He asks me his voice hoarse and I let my smile become more prominent while I move my hips on him and lean forward. My lips graze his ear when I whisper slowly.

"You're my favorite too but don't tell that anyone." I lean back and see the satisfied look on his face. It's that easy with men. Praise them, give them compliments tell them they're the best and they're going to give you the world. The soft tunes of the music fade and switch to another song while I slowly press my lips against Mark's.

This is when something moves inside of me this is where I belong. It's the only feeling that's worth living. I know it's wrong and dirty probably dangerous as well but it's the only thing that's keeping me afloat.

I sigh softly against his lips while I place my hands on his shoulders slowly getting him out of his blazer. The material is soft and feels expensive which I didn't expect anything else. My lips trails his jaw while I get rid of his tie and my fingers fly to the small buttons on his dress shirt next.

Mark lets out a low groan and a triumphant grin builts on my lips while I trail kisses down his throat.

I should be disgusted with myself I know that. There is no reason for me to be here. I have a privileged life, I have a home and food. Maybe I'm just crazy I don't know I always felt like something was broken inside of me but who cares?

If this is the only thing that's keeping me together I'm not gonna stop doing it just because it's illegal or people say it's disgusting. The people who judge others about their decisions on their life are the worst. The two goody shoes are just trying to keep a distraction from them so no one realizes how fucked up they really are.

I grab Marks hands and slowly place them on my shoudlers to tell him to push the straps of my dress down. His hands are strong and confident as they slowly push the straps down my delicate skin and I stand up to let it drop to the floor so I'm just dressed in some panties.

I sit down back on his lap and this is the time were my brain completely shuts off. There's no school, no friends or fucked up family, no Christian Verona and certainly no dead mom.

I'm just Bella. There are no traces of the girl I was in school today. I am not a friend not a daughter or a girlfriend. I'm just me and I'm existing. That is the only thing that matters and no one can tell me that they wouldn't take the opportunity to just be, feel and breathe themselves.

This is my moment, the light is shining on me and no one can take it away. That's when my hand pushes down the last fabric between our bodies and I sit up and back down the feeling of pure euphoria coming over me.

My senses shut off and there's just this big black hole of nothing. No pain, no desire no happiness. Just me.