Chapter 17

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Brusta was hard.

The way I dealt with negative emotions was put it in a locked box in my brain and not look back. But this time the boxes were overflowing and it would be problematic in the long run. I had to unpack the boxes and let all the emotions flow out, all the shitty things that had happened to me. Every capture, every moment I felt unsafe in my life, every betrayal, every heartache. All of it I had to express to High Priestess Polly. I talked through my whole life in detail and what I felt about everything that had happened. I had to write down any important emotions or breakthroughs, so that I could express that to my husbands in future conversations.

She taught me healthy coping mechanisms, although this wasn't the first time she had done that. But I had to relearn that and it was difficult. I had to face my fears and my demons and it was absolutely exhausting.

I had hoped that I would be able to leave Brusta within two weeks, but before I knew it, I had been here for two months already. My body yearned for my husbands, but my mind told me not to trust them. When I expressed that to Polly, I had to unpack all of that and discuss how I felt betrayed by them for not saving me. And how they betrayed me by having sex with other women.

The whole process was exhausting.

It was November when I felt ready to leave and Polly seemed to agree with my progress. She gave me her phone number and said that if I ever felt lost, that I could always call her.

"O, Julia." She said as I was standing by the car, by the drivers seat. "I just want you to know that Trevor visited me for two months." She said very carefully and I frowned looked at her for a second, why was she telling me this? "He missed you equally as much. Whenever you're ready, ask him about that recurring dream." I frowned but nodded at her comment.

"Thank you." I commented and I stepped into the car, the three security guards sitting in the backseats. I grabbed the phone that I had gotten with spotify on it. I looked at it and I saw three playlists already on there. The first one was called 'Love', the second one was called 'Honey' and the third one 'Babe'. I smiled at that a bit but I decided to pick 'road trip' as a playlist as I knew that they'd be watching me on this as well. I listened to the music as I drove through Locatlie, seeing the most beautiful places. My three security guards were amazing women and slowly started to become my friends. It was great to have some sort of freedom.

The first lady, whom was in 'charge' was named Wendy. She was 30 years old and had fought in the war. She had lost her husband in the war during a bombing of one of the US cities. She needed this just as much as I did.

The second lady, was named Leslie. She was 24 years old and lost her parents, her brothers and her boyfriend during a bombing here in Locatlie. I knew that they had been chosen because of the fact they had lost someone during the war.

The only exception was the third girl, she was very young, only 21 years old. Her name was Lisa and she had a boyfriend whom had survived the war. They were happy, but she took this job to get some freedom.

"What are those three playlists?" Wendy asked one day in the beginning of January. We were currently driving towards Valkarae. Lisa was currently driving and I was sitting in the passengers seat with my legs on the dashboard.

"The kings made those playlists. Love is Will, Honey is Hugo, Babe is Trev." I explained and they nodded slowly looking at me.

"Can I put one of them on?" Wendy asked carefully and I shrugged. She then started a playlist and I looked out the window as I heard a song that I recognised, as it was of a friend of mums. It was called 'Love Story'. I stared out the window and I listened to the lyrics and I couldn't help but smile a bit at that.

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