Objection! Dear Love...

#15 To Chase a Daydream

"Remember when you taught me fate,
Said it'd all be worth the wait?
Always hoping things would change,
But we went right back to your games.
And even if I run away,
Give my heart a holiday,
Still strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you..."

— "Strawberries and Cigarettes" // Troye Sivan

ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ

Abir

This has always been a battle, it doesn't matter if either of us considered each other as our enemies but the fight was there and it still is.

The saddest part is neither of us wants harm. Our circle starts with objecting to our hearts and ends nowhere. It's always Mishti choosing everything except me and me not choosing anything but Mishti. It's always Mishti walking her own way and me running after her until she stops for a moment and then leaves, again. Again and again. There's no end.

And right now, I'm running again. Although it'll again end up nowhere, I'm running after Mishti.

"Bloody Hell Mish, you're smoking again."

I hear Nishant reaching out to her but as expected she won't give a damn. But from the last fifteen minutes of running after her, one piece of new information that I get is Mishti Agarwal smokes. Of course there's nothing to be judgemental about except the fact that she managed to hide this from me for seven months now. God only knows what else I didn't know about her when I used to believe that I could read and see through her just a few weeks ago. In all matters of logic I'm supposed to sit in my office and talk to my clients and help them overcome their problems. And here I am, running hopelessly after someone who won't give two shits about me, like a fool teenager mad in love.

The only difference is I know this will end up ruining me and I'm doing this with all my consciousness.

"Abir Rajvansh, how dare you follow me?"

I suddenly hear Mishti walking towards me and she's burning with anger, I bet. But then I too know what I'm doing except why I'm swearing too much these days.

"What do you think I'm doing Mishti? I'm running after you, calling your name and you don't bother to look at me. What else do you think I'm doing? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why don't you just stop for a while and listen?"

"I DON'T NEED YOU ABIR. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE."

"YOU NEED ME MISHTI AGARWAL, YOU FUCKING NEED ME." I don't know what's gotten into me but I know this is the moment. All of a sudden I can feel a blood rush inside me and everything that always stopped me from screaming my heart out loud has suddenly vanished. I may not even know why I'm doing it but I know I need to.

"You walked away like I'm nothing. You made me feel like I was never enough. You didn't give a damn and went on your path. What do you expect me to do, Mishti? To sit there and keep blaming myself for the mistake I don't even know I made? Do you really think it's easy for me to see you like this? Do you really expect me to leave you, to forget you and move on like nothing ever happened? Because It bothers me every damn second, Mishti. I run away from my thoughts all day all night but I always keep coming back to one Godforsaken question - Why? Why would you do that? Why would you not come back? Why would you not trust me ever? Do you even know how torturous it is? Do you have any fucking idea, Mishti Agarwal, how difficlut it is to try to save you, to help you even though it hurts like hell? Do you realize that? I love you Goddammit. I thought you leaving me would destroy my feelings just like it destroyed my heart. Only if it could have happened. I love you with everything I have and I'm now losing myself because I love you. I don't even know when I became such an asshole to get bothered with someone who left me like I'm a loser but guess what, you did this to me. Now I'm running after you, I'm hurting my head trying to protect you, trying to help you in finding a way to get what you want and I know I won't have anything in the end. But here I am. Do you ever --"