Baddies of the BAU
Hotch: Alright who did it
Emily: im not even at work yet 🥺☝🏻 so probably not me <3
Y/n: thats sounds a lil sus..
Derek: IT DEFINITELY WAS HER WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING WHO ELSE WOULD COVER SCISSORS IN KETCHUP AND LEAVE THEM ON MY DESK? ITS A THREAT🤬🤬🤬🤬🤡 FIRE HER RN
Emily: OH NOW WHOS TRYING TO GET WHO FIRED YOU AND YOUR BIG ASS PENNYWISE FOREHEAD GOT MEGAMIND SHIVERING IN HIS BOOTS AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR HUGE BRAINLESS HEAD JELLYBEAN HEADASS DO NOT TALK TO ME SMALL DICK ENERGY FROM YOU CONSTANTLY BALD ASS SHINY HEAD GOT ME BLIND WHEN I LOOK AT IT TF
Derek: i..
JJ: em.. oh my GOD?
Rossi: alright kids cmon don't fight
Hotch: ^ Both of you knock it off
Emily: HE STARTED IT??
Derek: YOU PUT KETCHUP COVERED SCISSORS ON M Y DESK🤔🤔🤔 WHO REALLY STARTED IT.
Y/n: times like this I'm glad Rossi got us a popcorn machine 🍿 🤗
Reid: I like popcorn! 👾
Garcia: I just checked my phone and oh my.. :0 the violence em do you want some cookies?
Emily: OO YES PLEASE!! I no longer choose hate, I choose love. I love today <<33
Derek: girl... you need to be medicated 😟😟 please
JJ: Emmy do you want a coffee?
Emily: Mhm!
Y/n: not yall sucking up out of fear💀💀 bestie is TOO powerful
Emily: period💅🏻💅🏻 put the fear into people and they'll do anything for you
Hotch: That's literally manipulation
Derek: YOU THREATENED TO MANIPULATION ME???? 🤔🤔 HYPOCRITE
Hotch: You literally deserve it :/
Emily: PFF ^ HES RIGHT 😭😭
Reid: "Manipulation me" Derek you're a grown man.. use proper grammar.
Y/n: Go off??
Derek: WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY?? HMM??? SMARTIE PRETTY BOY FUCK YOU SHUT UP👹👹👹
Y/n: Aye don't talk to him like that ✋
Hotch: Manipulate is a word you know.
Derek: oh
Emily: DUMBASS??💀
Y/n: battle of the fruits
Garcia: NOO OMG 😭😭 PLZ
Reid: 🍒🍓🫐🥝🥭🍍🍌🍅🍎🍏
Derek: The tomato 💀
Reid: It's a fruit.
Derek: IN MY WORLD IT ISNT. IDC ABOUT SCIENCE THAT SHIT IS NOT A FRUIT 👹👹👹👹
Emily: ^ can't believe I'm agreeing with him rn
Derek: ^ THATS HOW YOU KNOW IM RIGHT
Reid: Dumb and dumber.
Hotch: Reid..💀
Emily: SPENCE?? IM OFFENDED RN OMG 😵
JJ: He's having nutella withdrawals so he's angy
Reid: Shush. >:(
Y/n: "angy" homeboy literally is the human equivalent of this: 😠 emoji rn, hotch 2.0 rn got me fucked up
Emily: PLEASE THAT EMOJI IS HOTCHS TWIN
Hotch: No
Emily: 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠
Hotch: It's simply resting bitch face and trauma👍
Derek: PLEASE 💀💀
Rossi: popcorn is ready!
Hotch: it's 7 in the morning?
Emily: And?
Y/n: OOO OMW SHES A RUNNER SHES A TRACKSTAR 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Derek: THEY FUCKING TRIPPED IM DEAD😭😭😭
Y/n: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR FACE HOLE UP
Emily: babes..💀💅🏻 plz EVEN HOTCH IS LAUGHING THATS HOW YOU KNOW IT WAS FUNNY
Hotch: listen okay..
Y/n: BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE WHAT 😟😟
Reid: Leave my girlfriend alone. :(
Derek: NO IT WAS FUCKING FUNNY 🥺
JJ: y/n are you alright lmao
Y/n: EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED. 🤬
Emily: YOURE TOO FUNNY STOP BEHEJEJ 😭😭😭💅🏻
Rossi: do you want a lollipop kiddo?
Y/n: YOOO MAMA ROSSI SAY LESSSS 🏃♀️🏃♀️
Derek: don't trip again
Y/n: GO GET INTO ANOTHER CAR CRASH STRAIGHTIE WANNABE🖕🖕
Hotch: Please don't you stress me out enough
Derek: wtf why is snakey Strauss here 🤨🤨
Hotch: oh God put your phones away so he doesn't see chat 🙄
Y/n: 💀💀 I'm in rossis office so no she comes in here and its K.O for her
Emily: if she looks over my shoulder I'm decking her
Emily: HOTCH THIS YOUR CHANCE TO FIST FIGHT HER ONE SHOT HER ASS DO THE WORLD A FAVOR
Derek: ..
Emily: Shes looking over my shoulder isn't she?
Hotch: ...
Emily: fuck
YOU ARE READING
BAU groupchat + Reader
Fanfictionhow I think the BAU team would text eachother except you're also on the team dealing with their antics Some stuff is out of character and I exaggerated their personalities for comedic value, enjoy!