Vulnerable: Book 1 of the Magic Mutations Series | ✓

59: Without You

As my eyes flickered open to the new day, I noticed a warmth spreading through my body. Two strong arms wrapped around me, holding me close against them. Being in his arms felt like slipping into a set of fresh bed sheets after a warm shower. Like a warm cup of tea in my hands on a cold winter's day. Like a fresh breeze in spring while the heat of the sun warms my body.

Looking down though, I noticed tanned arms and hands, faintly red, as if healing from a burn.

All at once, the crushing feeling hit me.

Tears stung at my eyes again and the urge to lock myself in the bathroom grew. I tried to wiggle out of his grip, but he just pulled me tightly against him.

Biting my lip, I realised there was only one way to break free: by hurting him. Focussing my attention, I turned the shocks up. But he made no move away.

So I intensified them again.

Nothing.

Taking a deep breath, I turned my zaps up as high as they could go.

But his hold stayed steady, the rise and fall of his chest against my back the same rhythm it had been since I woke up.

What is happening?

"Lukas?" I croaked, finding my voice.

"Mmm," he mumbled, pulling me closer even still to him.

"Lukas," I said more loudly.

"Yeah?" he said, evidently still half-asleep.

"Let me go."

There was a slight delay, but eventually he jolted, arms coming away from around me as he shuffled back to his side of the bed.

Hesitantly, I rolled over, looking at him. A blush spread across his face as he averted his gaze.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"How on earth did you sleep like that?" I asked, the question one of amusement, but my voice dead.

"What do you mean?"

Zaps fully on, I extended my hand across the distance, pressing it to his forearm.

Slowly, his eyes lifted up, meeting mine. They weren't scrunched up. He wasn't in pain. They were swirling with sorrow, and adoration.

"Do you not feel anything?" I whispered.

"What do you..." But then it hit him. "You haven't just turned them off?"

"No..."

And then he smiled, which hurt more. I removed my hand and lept out of bed, heading off to the bathroom.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

We weren't able to get seats next to each other considering we had changed our flights last minute, but it was honestly a reprieve. Lukas's guilty gaze remained all morning as we packed our things, headed to the airport, and awaited our flight to board.

He knew this was too soon to be happy. Too soon to rejoice that what was lost between us had returned. Too soon for me to like seeing him elated. And as I watched his knee bounce up and down from the seat next to me as we awaited our seating sections to be called for boarding, I knew he was worrying what I would do next about it.

But I didn't have any room in me to think about what comes next.

How could I think about an after with Lukas when my boyfriend may still be laying a living room somewhere. When he might be getting buried. When I will never wake to his blue eyes staring at me, and long curly locks skimming over his cheekbones. Or the way he smiled when I walked into a room. I tried to rack through my brain for the last words he had said to me... but the image of his blood over my hands stopped me every time.