Falling (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Walk

Sunday afternoon, Charlie was just sitting down to practise his long-neglected drums when he got a text from Nick.

"Me and Nellie are out for a walk. Come with us?"

Naturally, Charlie had his shoes on almost before he had finished reading the text. "be right down"

Nick and Nellie were waiting for him outside. Nellie got up and strained at her leash when she saw him, and Charlie bent to pet her. "Good girl, Nellie."

"It really ought to bother me more than it does that my dog likes you so much," Nick said to him as they started down the sidewalk.

"I think she likes me more than you do," Charlie teased him, and Nick blushed beautifully.

"I wouldn't say that." He looked sideways at Charlie, his brown eyes warm, making Charlie blush in his turn.

They walked silently for a block or so before Nick said, "I've just been to talk to Imogen."

"How did she take it?"

"Really well, actually. Like, the moment when I said I didn't like her like that ... that hurt her." Nick sighed. "I wish I'd had the sense to tell her that from the start. She told me she liked me at Harry's party, but I was so—I was in such a hurry to get away from her, to find you, to figure out what was going on with me, that I didn't even think about what she had said until it was too late. And then I got into that whole date mess."

"But she was okay," Charlie said. "Today."

"Yeah, after I explained. I think—actually, I think she might be someone I could really be friends with. Since so many of my other friends seem to just follow Harry around like dogs, it's nice to know there's someone I can talk to."

"I'm glad." He was glad. He was also a little bit jealous. After all, he had surprised Nick by being someone he could really be friends with, and now here they were. What if this Imogen turned out to be more than friends somewhere along the way, too? Buried deep inside Charlie's happiness with how things were between them was the fear that at some point in his struggle with his identity Nick would decide he was really straight and everything would suddenly be over.

"I hope the next boy she likes likes her back," Nick said thoughtfully, unaware of Charlie's dark thoughts.

"What did you tell her?" He really wanted Nick to have told her that he and Charlie were together, or that he liked someone else, or anything along those lines.

"I told her that ... that ..." Nick stopped, frowning, as he tried to explain. "That I've just been ... going along, doing things without thinking, and now I feel like I'm not that person anymore, but I'm so ... so scared to change, to—to surprise people. To cause comment." He looked up at Charlie. "Then I realised I've never actually told you that."

"I knew." Charlie reached for his hand.

"Is it silly that I'm afraid of what they'll say?"

"You forget that I had a trial by fire last year. I don't know how much you know, but I didn't come out; I was found out. It wasn't my choice. And I know all the things people say. I'm used to them by now. I don't care any longer." That wasn't strictly true, but it was close enough for the purposes of this conversation. "But it's hard when you're not used to it, and you don't expect it, and the things being said come from people you thought were your friends."

"Yeah." Nick nodded. "I'm sorry that happened to you. And I'm glad that you have friends who stood by you. It was really nice hanging out with them yesterday. And you."

Charlie smiled. "Even though Tao was terrible?"

"If he heard that whole date thing, then he had reason to be. I wish I'd just told you, straight out, what happened, but I was so ashamed, and I ... I wanted to find a way out of it without hurting either of you, and then I ended up hurting both of you." He sighed again, heavily. "I feel like I keep doing that."

"You were trying to be nice," Charlie said. "I get that."

Nick shook his head. "I was anything other than nice."

"You'll know better for next time."

"There better never be a next time. I just want all of them to leave me alone. I don't get why Harry is so obsessed with me getting with a girl, anyway."

Charlie had a few thoughts on that topic, but he didn't much want to talk about Harry right now. He squeezed Nick's hand, smiling at him. "I was so glad you came yesterday."

"Me, too. Thank you for asking me." Nick looked over at him, smiling. "Did you have a good birthday?"

"Yeah."

Nick's smile widened, his brown eyes lighting with humour. "You know, now you can't call me old 'cause we're the same age."

"Not for long. When's your birthday?"

"September. See, I'm giving you plenty of time to find me a present."

The idea took Charlie's breath away. He wondered if Nick realised what he'd said. He'd just said he expected them to still be together in September—months from now. Charlie felt like he could fly right off the sidewalk, he was so happy.

Nick frowned suddenly. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"You seemed so relieved when I got there on Saturday. Did you think I wouldn't come?"

"Well ..." Charlie ducked his head, embarrassed to say he had thought exactly that. "I just really wanted you to be there, and I don't trust things like that to come true."

Stopping abruptly, Nick turned to look at Charlie. "Tao thinks I'm messing with you. Do you—do you think that?"

"No!" At least, not intentionally. "No," he said again.

Nick's eyes searched his face. "Good. I know it has to be frustrating for you, waiting for me to figure things out, and you've been so patient. I promise I'm trying."

"Hey." Charlie stepped closer to him. "You take the time you need. I don't want you to rush yourself. Okay? And look at this weekend. You came to my birthday party, you hung out with my friends, you all—mostly—got along. You kissed me in the middle of the arcade!"

"I suppose I did." Nick smiled. "That was really nice."

"You don't regret it?"

"Not at all." They were very close to each other now, their words little more than murmurs, and in another moment they were kissing here on the sidewalk.

They broke apart before it could get too distracting, both immediately looking around in case they'd been seen. But there was no one.

Charlie smiled. "I should get back. But ... don't worry, okay?"

"Okay."

Nick walked off with Nellie back toward his house. Charlie watched them for a moment, wishing he felt as confident as he sounded.