Falling (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Maybe

By the time the rugby match was about to begin, Charlie and Isaac had retreated to a sunny spot on the hockey field, away from everyone else, both craving some solitude.

It was impossible not to hear the cheering as the rugby match started, though, and Charlie got to his feet without entirely meaning to. He hadn't seen or spoken to Nick for more than a brief moment in days, and he missed him terribly. He still thought it would be best for Nick if they weren't together; he still didn't want Nick to have to go through what he had gone through last year, if it was discovered that they were going out ... but he couldn't help longing for him anyway. Maybe he always would. Maybe Nick Nelson would always be the boy that everyone else he met was compared to, and fell short of.

Regardless, if this was his last chance to watch Nick play rugby, he was going to take it. Turning, Charlie met Isaac's eyes. Isaac smiled his sweet smile and got to his feet. He was still reading as they began to make their way through the crowd, but he was there, and Charlie appreciated the support.

It was hard to see over everyone's heads, so Charlie climbed up on a table, just in time to see Nick score a try. He was so beautiful out there, doing what he loved.

The boys lined up for the kick-off, Nick with the ball in his hands. But he didn't kick it. Instead, he turned and searched the crowd.

Charlie could feel the exact moment that Nick's eyes found him. It didn't seem possible that someone's gaze could feel like a physical touch, but it did.

They looked at each other like they were the only two people in the world. Then Nick turned and tossed the ball to Coach Singh and set off across the pitch. In front of the entire school, he was leaving the match. For Charlie.

Around Charlie were murmurs, people trying to figure out what he was doing. Nick broke into a jog, covering the distance between them, and threaded through the crowd like he didn't even see them, until he was standing in front of Charlie, looking up at him.

Charlie stepped down from the table, unable to look away, unable to think properly. The entire world had narrowed until all he could see was Nick.

There in the middle of Sports Day, in front of everyone, Nick reached for his hand. Charlie's thumb moved across Nick's skin. He couldn't help it. They hadn't touched each other since ... since the cinema, and Charlie hadn't realised just how much he had missed the physical reassurance of that touch, the sensation of being alive and awake, being seen, that came from being with Nick.

Nick's eyes searched Charlie's. He must have gotten the answer he was looking for, because he shifted his grip so he was grasping Charlie's hand in his. Another brief, questioning meeting of the eyes, and Nick set off towards the buildings, tugging Charlie after him.

It didn't take much effort. Charlie was happy to go wherever Nick wanted to go, if only to get off the field and away from all the curious looks from the people around them.

Once they were out of earshot, Charlie pulled lightly back on their joined hands to indicate that they could stop now. "Nick."

But Nick shook his head and kept going. He didn't stop until they were inside the building, standing in the corridor, completely alone.

Before Charlie could properly compose his thoughts, Nick spoke. "I don't want to break up." His distress was clear in his face and in his voice. He took a deep breath before continuing more calmly. "I know people have hurt you, and you feel like I'd be better off without you, but I need you to know that my life is way better because I met you."

Charlie couldn't see how that could possibly be true, after everything that had happened. "You don't have to say that."

"I do," Nick insisted. "And I'll keep on saying it until you believe me. I don't care about getting into fights or pissing off my mates or anything like that. It's all worth it to be with you. You are the kindest, most thoughtful and caring and—and amazing person in the whole world."

For the first time, Charlie thought maybe he could see himself through Nick's eyes. And maybe he could see Nick more clearly, too. Could he have been wrong about both of them all this time? He thought of the way Nick saved up everything that happened to him while they were apart to tell Charlie, as though talking about it together made it important. And the afternoons they spent when they didn't even check their phones, because the only thing that mattered was that they were with each other. And the way Nick smiled when they were together, and the openness of his laugh.

Thinking about it, Charlie could see the difference between the cheerful person he had met on the first day of the term and the happy person he'd spent so many hours with, and he understood at last what Nick was saying, and how he could believe that Charlie had made his life better. "Nick," he said softly.

"And if you really want to break up, then I would respect—" Nick's voice broke a little, and Charlie could see what it cost him to say it. "Your decision. But I want us to be together."

"Nick," Charlie said again, stepping closer.

But Nick didn't stop. It didn't seem like he could. "You're my favourite person."

Another step, and Charlie said his name again.

"I need you to believe me," Nick said, desperately.

Finally, Charlie took Nick's face in his hands to let him know it was okay. "Nick," he said firmly. At last Nick's words stopped, and he looked at Charlie as though he would be lost without him. And Charlie believed him. He said it out loud, for both of them to hear. "I believe you. I believe you."

And he kissed him.

Nick's response was immediate, and filled with all the ardour of having thought they might never be here in each other's arms kissing again. His hands moved in a restless caress over Charlie's back.

Charlie slid his hands over Nick's shoulders to splay them across his back and hold Nick to him. He never wanted to be apart from him. Not ever again.

Eventually, they both had to breathe, so the kiss broke. Having forgotten where they were, as he usually did when Nick kissed him, Charlie couldn't help laughing when he realised. "We're in the corridor."

Blinking in the light, Nick glanced towards the doors. "Oh." Then he looked back at Charlie and smiled. "So what? You free on Sunday?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Will you go on a date with me? Just us?"

"Yeah," Charlie said, smiling back. "Where are we going?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then it's a surprise." Nick pulled Charlie close, hugging him tightly. "I missed you."

"I missed you."

And they held each other like they were never going to let go.