Falling (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Lock

They went to the bridge with the locks on it, everyone spreading out. Lots of jokes flying around about who should put their initials on a lock. Charlie was grateful that none of those jokes were aimed at him, for a change.

Tao looked at the lock Charlie had bought, meaning to put his initials and Nick's on it. "This is cute."

"You could get one if you want. They're selling them back there."

Both of them looked at Elle, who was with the girls, showing them something on her phone, her face animated and lively.

Tao dropped his head, everything about him seeming defeated.

"You really don't think things are going to work out?"

"Even if she does like me back, and even if something did happen, I'd still mess it up, like I always do with everything." Tao's eyes were shiny with tears.

"You don't mess things up," Charlie told him. "Name one thing you've messed up."

"The cinema date?" When Charlie couldn't argue with that one, Tao went on, "My art coursework. Your life, multiple times."

"How?"

Tao looked away, like he was trying to find the words. He took a deep breath. "Charlie, I'm basically the reason you got outed last year. After you came out to us, I was talking about you with Isaac, someone overheard, and, next thing we know, you're getting bullied every single day."

Charlie hung his head, remembering all too vividly what that had been like. How hard it had been. And how he could never have gotten through it without Elle and Isaac ... and Tao.

"I never wanted to tell you because I didn't want you to hate me," Tao finished.

"But you know that wasn't your fault, don't you? Like, that was clearly an accident." Yes, it had been an accident with unfortunate consequences ... but someone would have found out, anyway, Charlie was sure of it. There had already been rumours, even beforehand.

Tao turned round, looking the other way, unable to accept Charlie's understanding.

"Tao, we've been friends since the first day of year 7. I was so shy and scared of everyone, but I immediately thought how cool and funny and kind you were. You were the only person I met that day that I really wanted to be friends with."

Raising a suspicious eyebrow, Tao asked, "Are you guilt-tripping me into being nice about myself?"

"Even if things don't work out with you and Elle, even if you make mistakes sometimes, you're a good person who deserves love."

When Tao didn't respond, Charlie took the pen that had come with the lock and he wrote his name, like he'd planned. But instead of Nick's, he added Tao's. Because whatever else happened, his friendship with Tao was for a lifetime.

Tao frowned. "Wait, isn't that for you and Nick?"

"No."

Smiling reluctantly, Tao reached for him, and they hugged. Hard. Reminding each other that they were there for one another, no matter what.

"People might think you gave me this hickey if you keep this up," Charlie teased.

"So? Might help to deflect the rumours."

Elle came up behind them as they ended the hug. "Guys, come on. We need to get to the Louvre."

Tao's eyes followed her like no one else existed. He grinned at Charlie sheepishly. "I'm gonna ..."

Charlie watched him go, hurrying to catch up to her, hoping his friends could find happiness—if not together, then separately.

He added his lock to the bridge, then caught up with Nick and Imogen and Darcy.

Their next stop was the Louvre. Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi gathered them together before they went in. "We have until 5 p.m.," Mr. Farouk said. "And if any of you gets lost, we will be leaving you here to get locked in."

Personally, Charlie wouldn't have threatened that—entirely too many of the other boys might think of getting locked in at the Louvre as a fun adventure.

Everyone flocked toward the Mona Lisa first, crowding around the famous painting. Tara insisted they all get a selfie with it, but Darcy called out, "Wait! That's the Mona Lisa? That's it? It's rubbish!" Naturally at the top of her voice, which was Darcy's standard volume.

Elle looked absolutely shocked by such heresy. "What? Darcy, it's art!"

"You can't say that," Sahar scolded her, while Isaac laughed and Nick and Charlie exchanged grins.

Tara held her phone up again. "Let's get another photo. Look, look, look, quick! Show me your Mona face."

Nick and Charlie walked off together once everyone had lost interest in the Mona Lisa. Tara and Darcy and Isaac drifted along the walls studying the paintings, and far ahead of them, Elle walked as if she was in a dream, and Tao followed her, looking the same—except that while her eyes were on the art, his eyes were on her.

At some point, they got lost, Nick and Charlie stopping on a set of stairs to study the map and try to figure out where they were while the others sprawled on the steps farther down. Some of the lads went by them—Harry and his group, with Ben bringing up the rear, by himself, the way he'd been all trip since Imogen had called him out at dinner. He stopped to look at both of them, his face unreadable.

Charlie hated the way the very sight of Ben made him feel. He was here with Nick, and Nick was amazing. Ben might as well have not existed. But he did exist, and his voice was the one in the back of Charlie's head that caused him to doubt Nick every time Nick couldn't come out.

Nick hesitated, then said, "I should probably tell you, when we were on the Eiffel Tower, he said that he still liked you. Like, he genuinely thinks he has a chance of getting back with you."

Of all the things Charlie had thought he might hear, that was one of the last. "He doesn't." That was definite. Even if there were no Nick, if Charlie had never learned what it was like to be in a relationship with someone who truly cared for him, there would be no chance he would ever get back with Ben.

"Yeah." Nick looked away, like he wasn't sure that was true. It was like ice down Charlie's spine. "Right." Getting to his feet, Nick reached a hand down for Charlie's.

Suddenly, he felt weak and sick and dizzy. Nick wavered in front of him, his voice coming as if from far away.

Then he shook his head, the dizziness clearing, and allowed Nick to take his hand and pull him to his feet.