Hiraeth

01

DRENCHED in the cruel rains of July, she could feel her heart beating loudly in her chest as she clutched her dupatta closer to shield her modesty from the ogling eyes of the men that seemed to be blatantly etched there.

Her light brown eyes, that were either painted in vulnerableness or fear had widened so much in anger. She wished that her rage was enough to bring a shame and fear in them. Maybe today, they'd stop if she looked at them like that. There was a hope within her tired heart. 

"Mama." Her baby son wailed, as she sighted him in the arms of her old aunt in their balcony. The old woman was a helpless onlooker to the everyday atrocities being faced by her. 

She excused her gaze away from that sea of shameless ones, advancing her steps forward on those dirty creaking stairs of her rented apartment.

She panted heavily, ringing the doorbell which caused a faint tingle in her ears. The big wooden door opened, which was behind the dusty net one. A light from the inside of her house illuminated the dark gloomy corridor of the apartment floor for a short while.

"I told you to take an umbrella this morning." Her aunt frowned, gazing at her drenched state. The white kurta that she unfortunately chose to wear, clung to her skin and made it a sight. 

"I'm sorry, there was so much in my mind. I forgot." She said, looking around for her son who was nowhere to be seen.

"Abeer?" She asked her and sensed warmth and softness in her aunt's eyes as she handed her a towel.

"I've put him in the crib. He was so restless to see you." She saw the young mother undoing her neatly tied bun and wrapping her thick locks in the towel. She had beautiful hair. It was something that everyone in her life had complimented her about. 

"Mama?" She could hear her voices from their room, which now grew louder as he finally heard her. She rushed inside the bathroom to take a warm bath and change into dry clothes as fast as she could. 

Her aunt prepared her tea. She could feel its sweet smell reach her as she was done bathing. She walked towards her bedroom, looking at the two year old standing in his cot. His legs wobbled in excitement as he held onto the frame of it with his both hands for support. He was visibly giddy. It was his favourite part of the day.

"Mera baccha." She kissed his soft cheeks, picking him up from the crib and hugged him closer. The feeling of his small hands around her and his little snuggles warmed her. She hated leaving him behind every morning. He was very young and needed his mother but she was compelled. She had to look after him as well. 

"Did they transfer your salary this time?" Her aunt asked, seating herself across them and placed the tray of biscuits and tea on the bed. 

"Not yet. I've decided to meet the principal tomorrow." She said, feeling a tinge of pain as the reminder of not being paid for months hit her again. 

She taught at a small school. They often didn't pay their teachers on time but the newly recruited ones were subjected to more of such behaviour. But with the degree in her hand, this was the best she could do to earn in such difficult times. 

She never aspired of this. She wanted to do bigger things for herself. She often thought about why she had dropped out of law school. She could've fought her husband and in laws. She could've resisted. It didn't take them much of an effort to decline her will to study law. There was no convincing, no persuasions but a blatant 'no' and she was silenced. 

She feared her husband a lot. Even the thought of fighting him back then for her studies sent a shiver down her spine but the hardships that she was currently facing made her rethink that. Maybe if she had endured a little more, she'd have been graduated by now.