Hiraeth

18

"ABEER." She huffed, exhaustedly holding him by his shoulders as he only attempted to wiggle out of his mother's hold. Exasperation painted his features looking at Sitara trying to keep him from doing things.

"This is bad, Abeer. Mumma is really upset." She closed the rhyme book, glaring his way. She has personally picked out books for him right after her work hours last week, inspecting through each and every ones in the store to find the most colourful ones. She was very worried about his admission test and had been trying her best even though her health was delicate. 

Abeer didn't seem to care. It didn't take him long enough to get back to the toys and blocks sprawled on the floor carpet. 

She held onto her throbbing temple, slowly massaging them as pain began to slowly engulf her. It hadn't even been a whole day since she had come back from the hospital and she was beginning to lose her mind.

"Mama."

"Don't talk to me." 

Her gaze began shifting towards her phone, anticipating for it to light up with a notification or a call. The silence was eating her down. 

She was equally embarrassed. Her entire body was numb in hesitance and shame as she left him texts. She knew that he had been ignoring her for that very reason, but she still wanted an answer. 

Her blood warmed upon her recalling him. She knew that it was his beating heart, frantically making its presence felt while pressed against her chest. His strong arms were enough to make her feel at peace. She felt oddly protected that night, when she'd otherwise be afraid to even feel a single touch of his. 

She didn't want to be reminded of her own breathlessness when they had parted. She had closed her eyes, pushing her forehead on his shoulders and had only cried. It was a moment that she couldn't decipher enough. It was unfair to label it as a fit of lust, or even the cause of a burnout. It was true that she was deeply sad and had been under the effect of her own senses being paralysed, but she knew what her heart had been longing for when she had went near him. 

It was a conscious effort. She knew herself and her fears and was very much familiar with her demons. Her heart was on a revolt with her mind, overpowering her body eventually.

She didn't know what it was like to have every single vein in your body on fire. She had never known the breathlessness that one could come across, mixed in both pleasure and exhilaration. 

She was growing attached to a fragment of his, knowing deeply well that he could never give it to her.

-

She gulped, hearing the shuffling of footsteps. She pulled her blanket closer to her body and buried her head into the softness of the pillows. She didn't want to see him anymore. Now that he was very much there, all the nervousness that had vanished into clear air, had been piling up.

She observed him from the corner of her eyes. A recognisable figure in the dimly lit room at those odd hours of the night. He was removing his blazer. 

Her gaze kept following him. Absorbing every little thing that he did, without even once looking her way. 

Sitara could feel her heart physically crush under the weight of his ignorance. She watched him with miserables eyes, as he went outside. It was evident that he was going to smoke. He often did that. 

Her phone rang, violently shifting her attention towards a blaring sound that had caused a havoc within her. Even without picking it up, she could tell who it was. Nobody else in this world was pathetic enough to call her at this hour.