Hiraeth

05

HER gaze slowly averted towards a sleeping Rehaan, as she looked at her reflection in the silver framed dressing mirror. She sat in front of it, staring at her face which was slightly pink from the warm bath she took at those early morning hours.

The air conditioner's cold air hit her bare arms, making her shiver. She wore the soft pink joda that was neatly hung in her wardrobe because the work on it seemed the lightest from the array of heavy pieces but the only fault lied in its lack of sleeves. 

She rubbed her arms with her palms, helplessly staring at the air conditioner which was turned very low by him. She had debated about turning it higher but was too hesitant to do so. She didn't want him or his sleep getting bothered. 

She averted her gaze back towards the mirror and began doing her makeup. On the contrary of her choice of clothes, she had done better makeup because she didn't want people pointing out the new bride's cast down appearance. 

It was after hours that he went to sleep at night and following shortly after when she realised he had slept, she positioned herself at the extreme corner of the bed and dozed off. 

The sleep was short and unpleasant as she kept waking up in the middle of the night for no absolute reason. Her mind wouldn't know peace. 

Swiftly wearing her bangles and carrying the heavy zardouzi dupatta that was sprawled on her side of the bed, she left the room in a haste and closed the door behind her.

She wanted to check on the children first but had no idea about where everyone's rooms were. After mindlessly walking around the house, she happened to find them sleeping with their grandmother in the nursery.

Abeer was soundly asleep in his crib while a half asleep Ayla was being waken up for school. She had her eyes closed as was murmuring something to her dadi about letting her be for at least five minutes.

Rehaan's mother's eyes glinted up when she saw Sitara standing near the door, absorbing everything in.

"Why are you standing there? Come." She fondly said, enclosing her in a warm half hug and kissed her forehead, mumbling a blessing into her ears.

"Look at her." She sighed, carrying a sleepy Ayla in her arms who showed no indications of waking up anytime soon. 

Sitara smiled, stroking her hair and tried talking to her as she dozed away. 

"Ayla." She softly called her name, taking her from her grand mother's arms and looked at her slowly opening her eyes. She kept staring at Sitara as she was finally awake, as plain confusion clouded her innocent eyes.

"Mama will get you ready for school today, hmm?" His mother said and Sitara's heartbeats rushed. She looked at the little girl in her arms. She felt innumerable fervours wash her away. Her grip around Ayla had tightened as her own eyes clouded.

"I love you." She whispered inaudibly, kissing her cheeks softly and had been mentally promising herself to love this child till her dying breath. The love she had felt for her when she had seen her for the very first time was very unforced and real. The responsibilities and duties surrounding a marriage and the thought of being given the place of a mother had intimidated and overwhelmed her at first.

She had grown doubtful about Ayla. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to be fair as a mother. She didn't know if she'd be able to love her as much as her own child.

But the moment she was addressed as Ayla's mother, she felt various emotions rushing through her heart. When she had looked into her eyes so innocently as her little arms hugged her chest, she felt like she was holding her Abeer.