Hiraeth

07

HER light brown orbs pricked with tears as she gaped at him in ache and torment. The insult hurled at her was blatant and uncalled for. 

"You have no right to talk to me like that." Her tone was slow and piteous but her eyes, they held so much anger in them. 

"Just stay in your limits." He looked at her with so much resent. Sitara could feel them in her bones, making her insides shiver and shake but she knew that she couldn't give him the opportunity to dominate her into a situation where she was barely at fault.

Every second of looking into this woman's eyes would bring him so much agony. His heart would fill up with pangs and and despair. With her, came in the realisation of not staying true to himself and his promises.

He had married her out of his own guilt of hampering Ayla of affection and a childhood. She was nothing more than that for him. 

"No one gave you the right to spin lies around either." He whispered, peering into her exasperated demeanour. 

Sitara left from there, ascending the stairs in a rush while she couldn't bring herself to look into his pathetic self one more time. The realisation of probably creating a grave mistake was slowly dawning upon her, making her stomach churn in repugnance and regret.

Marriage was never for her. Her faulty luck had always shown her nothing but the worst in people and this man was not an exception either. She was terribly tired.

-

"Why didn't you tell me?" He gritted over the phone, making her already worsened day much more dreadful. She closed her eyes, leaning against the bathroom door as she could see her flushed face in the reflection of the mirror. 

"Tell you what?" She whispered. She wouldn't have picked up had he called her from his usual number. She was very close to blocking all of them. 

"You're nothing but a whore, Sitara." Asad angrily hissed, making her flinch at the intensity of his words. Her head was spinning way too loudly as she tried to retain her calm, standing there while he spoke all that he could.

He was very upset with her second marriage. She didn't understand the reason behind his sudden interest in her life and decisions since he had left her to fend for herself long before their divorce. 

It was nothing but his pathetic and fragile ego that had driven him to ridicule her. 

"The women you brought home, Asad? We were married back then if you remember." She said, reminding him of his own lousy conduct as he was busy pointing fingers at her character that was far from any of that.

"Because a bitch like you can never keep a man happy but now you'll dance around your new husband because he has what you want in ample. Money." 

She withdrew the phone that was pressed against her heated ears and threw it away angrily. The blaring sound it created upon smashing against the cold bathroom tiles was enough to alarm her about what she had done. She looked at the mess hopelessly, bowing her head down as her body shook in sobs.

A knock on the door made her shudder. She gulped, furiously rubbing her skin with the sleeves of her nightwear as it was soaked with tears. Her face had turned very red.

"Sitara?" It was Rehaan. She wanted to curl up and die but never open the door to his face. 

It was almost midnight but they hadn't gone to bed. He was avoiding her, keeping himself busy with his work while Sitara had sneaked inside the bathroom when she had realised who the caller was. Her foolishly smashing that phone had surely caused a commotion which was enough to startle anybody in that room.

The door knob had began to twist and she knew if she would stay silent for another minute, he'd bring keys. She pushed open the door, avoiding his gaze and she felt his frame almost towering upon her as he had stood near that very door.

"The phone slipped from my hands." Sitara blurted, raising her eyes to his level and looking at him staring at her. There was an ounce of repentance in his expressions. He could see that she had been crying.

"I'm sorry for misbehaving this morning." 

Sitara stood there, unable to decipher or acknowledge what he had just told her. He had never looked at her like that. A sense of fear had clouded his usually cold eyes. It didn't feel like he was looking at her. He seemed like a different person, not the one she was familiar with.

"You don't owe me anything, Rehaan. Not even apologies." She tried pushing him away with her shaky hands and for a very brief moment, felt her frail body press against his hard one but quickly withdrew herself from it, still feeling the warmth lingering in her senses. 

"Go away, Rehaan. Never show your fucking face to me again." Her screams and cries still echoed in his ears. The memories of her failed attempt to take her own life had unknowingly resurfaced in the back of his mind, making his blood run cold.

He let out an exhausted breath, closing the bathroom door as he could feel Sitara making her way towards the bed. 

He felt the sudden urge to smoke. He couldn't anymore work or go to sleep. His thoughts began to suffocate him again and he could feel a sharp pain shooting in the back of his neck. 

Those endless hours of pleading her, holding onto the knob of the door as he could hear nothing but his wife's curses and cries but when it had died down into an eerie silence, he could feel his breath being stuck in his throat. He was too numb to move.

Sitara had completely covered her body with a blanket, feeling her heart beat too loudly in her chest as she felt a stir of emotions rushing down her consciousness. 

She didn't know how to respond to Rehaan. The anger she had projected on him had come out the depths of her hurting heart, which was subjected to nothing but baseless and disgusting accusations from different people at different instances.

She didn't know how to deal with Asad. His anger and threats were never futile and that was the reason why she had experienced a very strong sentiment and had reacted so furiously. She wasn't someone who'd do such things, but she had succumbed to fear and the accusation thrown at her.

It was after hours that she had found him make his way to their bed. A familiar whiff of smoke mixed with colonge filled up her nostrils, making her scrunch them in revulsion. 

Asad would smoke as well, but he wouldn't bother using a scent or even mints to tone down the toxic odour that he would fill the room with. He wouldn't think twice before smoking right in her face, even when she used to be pregnant with Abeer.

Rehaan's chest softly rose and fell while his eyes remained closed. He was asleep but somehow, she couldn't find slumber reaching her eyes. 

She couldn't appreciate the sense of guilt had risen up out of nowhere, making her core twist in pain as she looked at his tired face. 

That feeling was very similar to the one she had felt that day in the restaurant, when he couldn't say anything but shift himself into a state of solemn silence upon the mention him raising his daughter alone.

It was empathy and a little of something she couldn't describe. His eyes intimidated her, but something about the same when they mellowed and were vulnerable made her insides aches for no apparent reason.

She was nowhere attached to him but when she began to look at his face now, she pathetically wished that she had acknowledged his apology. Her silence seemed way too cold and was biting her.

She had never felt this for a man and she couldn't bring herself to like it either. She had never felt this conflicted.