Hiraeth

02

SITARA woke up at the crack of dawn, completing her chores early so that she had ample of time in her hands for sorting all the documents that involved Abeer's birth. She had to meet Asad today and ask him for the final time if he was willing to help her.

It was Abeer's birthright to have a fair share over his father's earnings but knowing the latter well, Sitara barely had hopes. She would've never asked him had she not been in such a financial crisis.

When she was newly divorced, there were so many promises that she had made to herself. She was a new mother and she didn't know if she'd be able to endure the long work hours and afford to hire a help for her newborn, but there was so much strength in her. She wanted to give Abeer everything, by herself. She had promised her son that he'd never have to cross paths with the father who barely cared about them. He'd never have to pine for a father's love, she'd make sure that hers would suffice.

"I'm sorry, Abeer." She whispered, stroking his hair and muffled her sobs. He looked so calm, so much at peace as his chest rose and fell slowly in the early morning hours of slumber.

She was terribly scared of having to lose him. She knew that Asad was barely interested in his child but she couldn't trust him. The moment he'd realise that taking him away could bring Sitara pain, he'd leave no stone unturned to take his custody. He had his rigged ways and she wanted to be away from them. She didn't want him to even have another single thought about Abeer.

"Breakfast?" She heard her aunt from afar and got up from the nursery chair and went to the balcony. The morning air was fresh and chilly and hit her nostrils the moment she stepped outside.

"I've lost my appetite." She muttered, unable to hold her bitterness together any longer. She was terribly upset at her but also couldn't express much because the fault lied in Sitara's failure, more than it was in her aunt's thinking or her way of dealing with the situation.

If she didn't want Asad's money, she also had no other means to provide for her son.

"Aisa nahi kehte, Sitara. Aa jaao ab." She persuaded her to come inside, holding her by her shoulders. Her heart sank for her too but there was nothing that they could say to each other.

-

Her heart was beating very loudly in her chest as each period passed. When the final bell rang, she could almost feel it popping out of her mouth. She fiddled with the end of the pallu of her light pink saree, that was draped around her frail body. Her nervousness knew no bounds but she kept her composure, watching the children of her class slowly leave.

She didn't know for how long had she been sitting on that chair, staring into nothingness in her empty little classroom.

"Sitara?" Her trail of thoughts were broken by a sharp voice, making her leave her seat. She stood up and saw a senior teacher peering into the window of her classroom, scrunching her eyebrows at her spaced out demeanour.

"You don't get paid for living in your sweet la la land all day. Now come at help me with these"

She mumbled an apology and took in a deep breath, holding onto the crest of her chair. She felt too meek to argue but she knew that she needed to. Asad wouldn't spare her for making him wait that long.

"Go to the office. I won't be able to meet Mrs. Azhar today because I have some work." She told Sitara, hurriedly attempting to leave.

Sitara whined. She had expected her to give a couple of exam papers to correct which she would've taken home instead but she was asking her to meet the benefactor.