Hiraeth

13

WHEN her eyes could open, she realised that it was already late. The sunlight was darting its way all over them, making her softly whine in irritation. Ayla shifted in her sleep, circling her arms around her and had her head cosily laid against her chest. 

She prevented from moving too much, carefully detaching herself from her hold. She had cried all night, asking for him but he wasn't in a state to attend to her needs. 

It was difficult to comfort a grieving child. She knew very little about her and all of that required immense bonding. She had still tried her best into making sure that she was okay and not too impacted by the loss. It'd be an immense lie to say that she wasn't but Sitara's heart was somewhat at ease when she had managed to put her to sleep finally without tears in her eyes. 

She thought about Abeer. It had been a week and she hadn't managed to spend enough time with him. With his relatives around that had come to attend the funeral, it was hard to do so. She hated their eyes on her child, knowing what those gazes implied. Despite it being Rehaan's second marriage, everybody objected her being a mother. He was a father as well, but men always had that upper hand. Especially when relationships were involved.

She pressed a soft kiss to her hair, completely freeing her body from her clutch and slowly covered her with the duvet. A faint smile painted her features as she glanced at her again before leaving. Even though it were Abeer's worries that had been clouding her mind, the sight of a peaceful Ayla was somewhat comforting her senses. 

As she went down to enquire about the children's breakfasts, she learnt from the cook that he had left very early today. A sullen sigh skittered past her lips as she turned away to slice the apple in different shapes, just the way the kids loved. 

She wanted to apologise to him. The weight building up in her chest was beginning to daunt her in a way that could have never presumed. Everything in the house had shaken up, everybody was in a devastated state and Sitara was worried. She was worried about not being to handle things with the sensitivity that the situation would demand, the fear of shortcomings was keeping her from acting rationally. 

She was slowly beginning to realise that she had been nothing but embarrassing last night. She could feel that shame lingering under her skin, making her shiver. 

She had done wrong and none of her regrets or apologies would undo the pain she had inflicted, depriving him of the closure that he had deserved with his mother. Sitara had been nothing but a fool, giving into her mother in law's emotional request knowing very well that it was nothing but unreasonable.

She could never think of not being able to speak to her mother for the last time, knowing that she'd be gone soon. Her eyes welled up with tears, recalling how much her insides had ached. The feeling of holding onto her, feeling her faint heartbeats and that soul crushing smile would make her heave even if she recalled it today. Nobody deserved abrupt goodbyes, especially a mother and child. 

"Ma'am, your hand?!" She heard the maid yell, hurriedly pushing Sitara's hand away and made her finally break out from her endless trail of thoughts.

She dropped the knife away, eyeing her bleeding hand. A gasp escaped her mouth as she looked down at it in a complete state of horror. For the longest time, she couldn't even have realised that she had cut herself. She was that lost in her thoughts. 

She ran her hand under ice cold water, repeatedly wincing as the pain slowly began to surface over. She looked at the cut again and sighed in pity. She was nothing but a fool to never notice. Her ignorance had further deepened that wound. 

"Please make Ayla a sandwich and warm Abeer's milk. I'll apply something to my hand." She mumbled, biting down her lips to prevent herself from groaning in pain as she wrapped a clean dishcloth around her cut.