Trying to live

Chapter 32

"Just give me the keys and I'll go in and stay in the office or my car," I added with tears brimming in my eyes.

I held my hand out while Dean looked at me. Then he just walked away, leaving me alone. In that moment, tears literally spilled out of my eyes. 

How could he leave me?

I felt lonely. 

Speak of being dramatic.

Through the constant flow of tears I saw Dean turning his car on but he didn't sit yet. He went to the passenger side and opened the door. 

Then he looked up at me. Annoyance clearly written on his face. "Get in."

The damm broke. As I was walking towards the car I was sobbing. Even seated in the car I cried like a baby. Dean had to put my seatbelt on. The muscle flexing of his arms were a nice treat for my eyes though.

We rode in silence. 

The only noise that existed in the car was the music on low volume and my sniffling. 

I thought I was over the days where I cried for no reason. Sometimes I cried because I was frustrated or just exhausted. Often times I cried for myself and what had happened in New Haven and literally my life I had. 

I always thought I cried because of all the secrets I hid. 

Now I wasn't sure. 

I felt tired inside. I felt that there was a place in me that was empty and just wanted to drown in misery. I wanted to tell the truth. I wanted to save my relations with the people that meant something to me. But when those exact people ignored my silent pleas and moved on so quickly, why would the truth matter? Why would anything I did matter?

Some things were better left unsaid. 

Some secrets, even if they burned you alive, should stay buried.

The darkness of the sky and the rustling of the trees had a calming effect on me. 

Dean cleared his throat. "Before I drive you home I have to take care of something."

I nodded, still looking out the window. 

I wasn't trusting myself to not cry again. I regained myself with effort.

"You okay?" Dean asked a few seconds later.

I took a deep breath when the car halted at a red light and turned my head slightly to him to see that he was already looking at me. 

"Yeah," I got out and fidgeted with my hands.

"Wanna talk about it?" 

There wasn't really something to talk about. Dean knew I had my fair share of secrets and reasons, so did he. That was why I said the half - truth. "I'm just tired."

"Don't tell anyone I cried", I added, giving him a sidelong glance.

"I won't", Dean said with a grin, "because you won't tell anyone where we're going now."

"Why? Is it a shady place?"

Dean looked away, when the light turned green. "You will see. But your secret is safe with me as long as you won't tell anyone where I'm heading to with you in tow."

I didn't think long. I hated the fact that someone else saw me crying. That emotion was purely meant for me and the closest person I willingly shared this emotion with found someone else. 

"Deal," I promised.

"Deal," Dean echoed.

Few minutes later, Dean stopped the car at some isolated place. I looked out but all I could make out were trees and some vehicles. I craned my neck trying to see if I could make out something from the back.