Not your soulmate♡

~Chapter 43~

~Jimin pov~

Deserved....it's all deserved....

I slide down the wall against the alley not being able to walk any further without breaking down in public as I freely sob inside of my hands. People staring at me is the least of my concerns at this point but I need to have a quiet place away from people to just let it all out just for once.

My heart feels like it's trying to reject my body as I remember the pain that traveled through it the second I stepped away and started walking away almost like it was telling me to just turn around, to stop walking away and drop to my knees begging to just reverse time to have Eun-hye back in my life.

I'm so selfish...so so selfish but I can't seem to try and fight my own mind anymore

It's not fair....

Today really went into a completely different way than I planned out by just taking a small walk to clear my mind before going home earlier and now the mask I've been trying to wear has broken in only a matter of minutes seeing the one that I thought I wouldn't see again all because of stupid misunderstandings, staying silent with different thoughts, blind anger and selfish doings from all of us.

Some more than others

Now it all just came crashing down just like the sea crashed down the wall I was trying to build from myself. From the thoughts that swarmed my mind for days with no end even if our peace was finally in reach again after it all.

It felt too fake, the peace felt unrealistic yet my soulmates who mean the world to me and I love beyond words chose that path and I agreed just like I once again kept it to myself yet that time it was for everyone's sake to sort our problems out without some of us having a chance to confront Eun-hye again causing more harm.

It happened too many times for us to not take that more seriously to distance ourselves completely.

In a way it was good yet in a selfish way I was and still am angry for how it all turned out but the concequences of all our actions still weigh heavily on us even if they pretend it's all happy days again.

For one I can say that I am completely broken from it all and yet I have no way to let out all my thoughts without being afraid to set off another bomb with our soulbond already having gone through all the drama but honestly speaking the Jimin from a few months ago would be appaled by present Jimin's heart and what it holds deep inside.

Past Jimin would never have harmed his dear new friend he grew close to in a short time and started to imagine the future with his friend but present Jimin is sitting in an alley crying all the unshed tears after seeing his ex-friend for the first time in so long knowing that a simple friendship isn't the only thing that grew in his heart.

I'm not stupid, I have lost friends and have gained friends but it never felt like this and I can take in the situations surrounding it but after endless nights cuddling up to my soulmates with my thoughts still on fire in my head plagued with guilt it felt like a sudden click which made me want to throw up thinking of it.

I like her more than a friend....I felt this before and I can't feel more disgusted in myself yet still not allpw myself to want to push the feelings away

Guilt starts eating away at me knowing that I am just leading a fate that Jungkook did which actually caused the situation but with my own heart faltering under pressure of choosing wrong from right I slightly understood his words. Not that I have that years of love with her like he has but a part of my brain doesn't want to the fact sink in I won't see her again.

I started placing my mask on my face trying and pretending to move on even if I could see the masks of some of the others faltering sometimes I know I was doing slightly fine until running into Eun-hye.