BENEATH THE SURFACE

Chapter Twenty

ASHER

Three Years Ago

Kady and I's marriage was far from perfect, a fact known to everyone, but it would be untrue to say that I didn't love her.

That changed the night she confessed that she no longer wanted children, and that our unborn baby meant nothing to her, making it easy for her to let go.

I understood it wasn't fair to ask her to keep a child she didn't want, but it also wasn't fair to me for her to take away the prospect of having my first child.

Even though she had only carried our child for one month, I loved that unborn baby with every fiber of my being, more deeply than anyone else in my life.

I remember the day she told me she was pregnant so vividly. I had just returned home from work, and she was waiting for me in the living room as I walked through the door.

"Hi, pretty lady," I greeted her with a kiss on her forehead. She pulled me into an embrace, holding me close for a couple of minutes.

When she finally let go, she avoided looking at me, so I gently lifted her chin, making her meet my gaze. "What's wrong?" I asked, my voice filled with concern.

Suddenly, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a pink pregnancy test, which displayed two blue lines. I was rendered immobile, unable to move, blink, or even think, as I stared at those small, blue streaks.

"I'm pregnant, Asher," she whispered, her hands cupping my face before her lips met mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist, embracing her tightly.

After we shared a long, emotional kiss, she pulled away, her eyes glistening with tears as she looked up at me. "How long have you known?" I asked, curiosity filling my voice.

"I haven't," she replied, her hands trembling as she withdrew them. "I just found out today when I went in for a check-up."

"That explains the vomiting," I chuckled, seeing a bright smile light up her face. I gently pushed a strand of her hair away from her face to get a clearer look into her eyes. "You know I love you, don't you?" I asked, my voice filled with affection.

She nodded and set the two pregnancy test sticks on the table beside the front door. Then, she pulled me back into her warm embrace, her arms wrapped around my neck. We stood there for a few moments, just holding each other, finding comfort in the shared love and the news of our impending parenthood.

That day had been the happiest day of my life, and I had anticipated it being surpassed by the day my beautiful child would arrive. However, that day never came to be.

Not many people are aware of Kady's affair, but those few who do know often attribute my distance from her and our families to that revelation.

The truth is, I can't even look at her the same way anymore. I made an effort for months after she told me she was giving up our baby, but no amount of intimacy or time spent together has altered the way I perceive her now.

I would give anything I own to have my baby in my arms today, but nothing I do will ever bring back that part of me. It's the part of me that was eager to become a first-time dad, the part of me that no longer passes by the child section in stores, the part of me that was willing to share my time and love with someone other than my wife and my business.

Present

Something inside of me shattered that day, and since then, it's remained irreparable. For three years, I've prayed for a solution, something to mend what's broken within me, but so far, I've had no luck.

As I sit there, staring blankly at the television in my living room, I find myself sinking even further into the couch, my mind clouded with uncertainty about what to do next.

Isabella had left around thirty minutes ago, and as much as I wished she hadn't, deep down, I knew it was probably for the best in the end.

I was a fucked up man with a heart that felt devoid of any emotion, and no matter what I did, it seemed like nothing would ever be enough to offer to someone, especially her.

I glanced at my cellphone, the urge to know if she was okay eating at me. So, I picked it up and swiftly messaged her, hoping she wouldn't ignore me.

Did you make it home safely?

As I continued to stare at the television, my cellphone suddenly vibrated and emitted a soft ding. I eagerly picked it up, hoping it was her, and thankfully, it was.

ONE NEW PHOTO FROM ISABELLA

I clicked on the notification, and a photo of Isabella and her sister appeared. They were in the back of a car, holding each other, with Sofia kissing Isabella's cheek.

I found myself smiling at the picture, but that smile quickly faded as I realized who had taken the photo: Liam.

I tossed my phone back onto the table where it had been and rested my head on the back of the couch. I redirected my attention to the television once more, attempting to push my thoughts aside.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my mind to stop racing. Frustrated, I stood up from the couch and made my way to the alcohol cabinet near the kitchen.

I pulled out a bottle of whiskey, deciding to start slowly with a few shots. However, as the weight of my thoughts pressed on, I eventually turned to drinking straight from the bottle, knowing I had a lot to drown out.

The burning sensation in my throat finally subsided, and the alcohol no longer seemed to affect me as I continued taking long swigs from the bottle.

Setting the bottle on the counter, I navigated through the hallway to my bedroom. As soon as I collapsed onto the bed, sleep enveloped me, and I was quickly lost to its embrace as my head hit the mattress.