Chapter 20

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(2015 by the way, if you haven't been keeping track on time :D)

    "Jake.. Say something, please.." He wasn't speaking, he hadn't for quite some time.

    "What do you want me to say?" He asked. I opened my mouth to say something, but he kept talking. "I thought we had an agreement, an agreement that you made. I don't know what you want from me Maggie. One minute, you think I'm too old. You think I wouldn't want to date you or be with you because you're younger and don't want to hold me back. The next you're throwing yourself out of the rest of your life for me?" He was rambling and I knew only half of it was true, but it still hurt.

    "Jake I'm not throwing myself at you," I pushed a piece of his hair behind his ear, "I just wanted to let you know that the situation between us might change a bit. I didn't mean to intrude, I thought maybe you would be alone and we could talk... That's stupid though, I don't know why I would assume..."

    "Maggie, I'm not mad really. I just can't end things with Hannah. I want to, but I can't. She's going through stuff at home, her grandmother isn't well and she's thinking about moving in with her. She lives a couple hours away."

    "Oh.. I'm sorry Jake, I had no idea."

    "It's fine, how would you know anyway?" We sat in silence for a while, but then I worked up the courage.

    "Jake, I need to set guidelines. I know we did that, but it didn't work. If we can't follow them, then we can't be together okay?"

    "Hit me."

    "Okay, so basically this is it -- I don't think that I can bare to see you two together. Even just seeing you talking and sitting close together made me hurt." Ew, that's embarrassing that I just said that. "I can't swing by and be surprised when she answers the door and I'm in a coat with nothing under it waiting for you.. Hypothetically." He smiled when I said that.

    "Maggie, you don't understand how badly I want you. I just want you."

    "You can't say that Jake because it's not true."

    "It is true. I fucking adore you like I've never adored anyone else." I should probably swoon, but all I could think of was the word 'adore', not love. I didn't love Jake, I mean of course I did, but not in that way, but for some reason all I could think of was his word choice.

    "Don't say that."

    "Don't say what?"

    "That word."

    "Maggie, the point is that I can't stop thinking about you. If I could end things with Hannah I would."

    "Jake, just say you promise to the conditions."

    "I promise.."

    "Great, now scratch Carrie's house off the list and just take me somewhere else." He thought for a moment and I had to lighten the mood. I was wayyy too tense.

    We pulled up to a little parking area for hikers. Jake got out of the car and I followed. We didn't have anything with us and we walked. He took my hand leading the way until we reached a ledge. It looked like we were on the top of a mountain or dead in the middle of a mountain, but I knew we weren't. The moon was large in the sky and reflected off of our skin. We sat on moss covered rocks and looked out at the great beyond. "How'd you find this place?" I asked.

    "We used to go for family hikes here, not so much anymore. I'm the only one who comes. It's a space for me to breath and to really think ya know?"

    "I like it." He looked tired, but I was selfish. I wanted to hear everything he could ever say and he didn't seem to mind. "Tell me about the band."

    "I think we're starting to find our sound ya know? There was a while where we were playing all different genres in those styles, but I think we've found what's right for us."

    "What about touring?"

    "We've done some over the past year, but we just got enough money and an actual offer to record some stuff. We're partial to doing that now and then we'll see where it takes us ya know?"

    "Record stuff? You've written songs?" I asked, not thinking that might have been the situation.

    "Yeah, it's a group process. Josh writes the lyrics normally. He's got some killer lyrics."

    "You'll play one for me? Later?" He nodded. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed by eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply.

    "We should head back, I don't want your friend to worry." I grabbed his arm, stopping him.

    "No. I want you to take me home, your home."

    "Mags, that might not be smart with everyone in the house."

    "I'll say I slept in Ronnie's room and that I forgot my parents weren't home."

    "Alright, home it is then." He kissed me sweetly and we started to travel back.

    The house was dark, as it should have been in the middle of the night. We tiptoed making sure that no one was still awake. I walked into Ronnie's room, messing up the covers and taking off a few articles of clothing. Then I closed the door behind me as I walked back to Jake's room. Instantly, I was hit by the smell of a bonfire. It was the smell Jake seemed to live for and I didn't mind it. That's an understatement, it's my favorite smell. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, the soft light billowing onto his skin and casting shadows on the gray walls. He was wearing a band t shirt and a pair of pajama pants. I smiled at him, "You got a pair of those for me?" I asked. He nodded, rummaging through his drawers to find similar clothing. I took off the rest of my clothes, slipping on the pants, taking off my bra, and putting on the t shirt. I turned around to face him when I was done and saw him laying in bed, his eyes transfixed on me. I walked over, sliding under next to him and turning to face him. "Hi." I grinned, goofily.

    "Hi." He pushed his head into my neck and snuggling my side. I breathed out heavily, content and happy with the feeling of us. Just us.

—Author's Note—
Hey!! So sorry that I haven't updated in a hot sec. I've been super stressed, but I got into college so YAY!! And I saw the boys and they were AMAZING! Holy shit, it was such an amazing experience, except there were two older gentlemen next to me and my friend and he kept hitting on us. That sucked, but then a really nice guy let us all the way up on the railing because he noticed what was happening. So basically, something bad, for something totally awesome!! Anyway, love yous 💗💗

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