Meet On The Ledge || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 34

    2017 - January

    I decided it was best to go back to my house the next day. I took my bags and said my goodbyes, having Kelly drive me. The ride was silent, as was most of my time that morning. Kelly was the perfect dad, he knew when to speak and when to be quiet, but when he did speak it was pure knowledge and real love. I wish that my father was like that. As we pulled up in front of my house, he turned the car off and turned to look at me. "How're ya feeling kiddo?" He asked.

    "Not too good.." I responded, picking at my cuticles.

    "I know that this is difficult, I know how much pain you're feeling, but I want you to remember that this was not your fault. No matter how much you blame yourself, it will never be your fault, okay?" I nodded along, but in my head and my heart I knew that it was my fault. I had killed that child, it was my stupid behavior that had killed my baby. "I also need you to know that you are loved in so many ways. I don't like to say this much, I already have a lot of kids, but you are the fifth. You're my daughter. You make me just as proud as any of the others. It tears me apart to see you this way, I need you to know how much I love you." I let out a shaky smile and gave him a hug.

    "I love you too." I whispered into his shoulder. He helped me take my suitcase out of the car, but I insisted that I go in by myself. As he pulled away, I thought that it was odd the cars weren't in the driveway. Someone was almost always at home these days. I walked up the front walk and up the stairs and saw that the mail was piling up in the mailbox and that all of our newspapers were on the welcome mat. I walked around back and got the spare key from the fern and opened up the door. "Hello?" I yelled, but the echo just came back. I checked my phone, something I hadn't done since the accident. I had texts from people I assumed I had communicated with that night and at the bottom of all the notifications there was a missed call from my mom. I clicked on it to call her back. The phone rang for a while before I heard my mom's groggy voice.

    "Hi, sweetie. Everything okay?" She asked.

    "Um yeah, well, no. I'm at home... in Michigan.." I heard her make a little gasp noise.

    "Oh honey, I'm so sorry we didn't tell you. We decided last minute on taking a trip to visit your grandparents."

    "You're in England?" I asked, shocked.

    "Yes sweets, we knew that you were working and thought it was best we didn't tell you. I'm so sorry. I can't believe this." I imagined how my mother was acting, sitting up in bed. I looked at the clock on the wall, it was 7:00 in the afternoon here, so there it was midnight. She was whispering a bit, but I knew my dad had woken up when she started explaining what happened.

    "It's okay, mom. I'll be fine here, I don't leave for a couple of weeks, but I might leave earlier."

    "Alright, well I'm going to transfer money into your account, so you have stuff for food and other things. Under the tree, there are some gifts for you. Take this time to relax my darling."

    "I love you, momma." I said gently into the phone.

    "I love you too, my Maggie." I hung up the phone and looked around the kitchen. Was I hungry? Not really, but should I eat? Probably. I opened the refrigerator, but it was empty, so I grabbed an apple and turned on the lights on the Christmas tree, laying down the couch. I didn't end up eating that apple, but I did fall asleep.

    When I woke up it was light outside again. I went upstairs and took a shower, not caring about what I looked like when inside I felt like giving up. I let my hair dry naturally as I walked down the stairs in a huge sweatshirt I bought from Jaami's -- a sweatshirt so big that it went down to my mid-thigh -- and a pair of bootcut leggings. I needed to go to the supermarket, but I dreaded actually leaving the house.