Chapter 23

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2017

I played it off like everything was okay, but on the inside I was freaking out. Jules and I went to the discotheque, which took my mind off of everything for the time being. "I love this song!" I yelled over the blaring Modern Love by David Bowie. She nodded at me agreeing. I felt safe in the environment, it was nothing like an American party or club. People weren't hitting on you, people most certainly were not grinding, it was just fun and if you make a new friend you make a new friend, nothing more. I'd met some of my closest Parisien friends at places like this.

I looked at a sweaty Jules dancing with some people she had just met and I decided to excuse myself, a surge coming over me that said 'get out now, or you'll have a panic attack.' I looked into my little purse that stayed strung across my hip and pulled out my lighter and a pack of Gitanes. I had started to smoke the brand in here because well that's what all the true French people smoke. I lit one letting it crawl under my skin and stay there for a while. I stood alone in front of a discotheque and I just wanted to go somewhere else, so I started walking. I smiled at the cold air, happy I had put on an oversized blazer to keep me warm. "J'adore, Paris!" I whispered to myself happily as smoke exited through more my mouth and nose.

The streets were quiet, not much going on that night I guess. As I turned the corner from Rue Saint-Jacques, I made it to a smaller street where the bar was. I smiled, knowing that I could go there and be happy alone. I texted Julie quickly, making sure to let you know I thought I might have a breakdown and that I had left. Then I entered.

The room was much darker at this time, the cream colored walls were lit with old sconces that magnified small yellow lights, but nothing more. I enjoyed it this way, I felt more at peace. There were not many people, a big table of people sat in the back and they made the most noise, but other than that there was an older wealthy gentleman sitting alone at the bar, and two couples in their mid-40s. I noticed I was standing in the doorway and staring at people, so did Alex when he turned and saw me. He smiled warmly and yelled rather loudly "Maggie! De retour si vite!" I smiled back at him laughing, but responding in english because I was so tired.

"I couldn't resist." I said, much softer than he had. I noticed the people in the restaurant all turn to look and me, probably annoyed.

"Come sit." He said. "We haven't had many people in tonight. I could use the company." I was happy to sit down at the bar and get off my feet, but I was also happy Alex was becoming a friend. He must have been 25 or 26 maybe and he understood me rather well.

Having decided on not drinking beer that night, I was finishing off my third glass of red wine, a cabernet that I never wanted to leave my lips, when I decided music would be a good thing. "Alex.." I called as he made a drink for the older man. "Can we listen to music in here?"

"Why don't you just play something?" He asked, I had told him all about my love for music, but I was far too shy to ever do anything with it.

"No, no, I couldn't. Plus, I don't even play the piano!" I said, overjoyed to have found a way out of playing. I looked over at the little stage on the side that was open to the whole place. The sad, but ever so beautiful piano seemed to be just another piece of artwork because it was never played.

"I might have something in the back for you." He said scurrying into the back office. When he came back, he had a guitar in one hand and a microphone stand in the other.

"You've got be kidding me!" I laughed.

"You have to do it now! Please, how does that ridiculous phrase go? Please with drizzle on top?" He put a stool on the stage, turning on the lights to shine on it, then placing the mic stand in front of it. He held the guitar out in front of him for me to take. I giggled once again at him

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