who are you really? | minjoon

22. i love him (hoseok flashback)

For as long as he could remember, Hoseok had always had feelings for Yoongi. He would daydream about him and imagine their future. Of course Yoongi never looked at Hoseok the same way. 

Hoseok could remember the first time he met Yoongi, well, Suga - it was in high school and Yoongi had just transferred from Daegu to Seoul. The way his black perfect hair fell, the piercing gaze as he stared at the class. Hoseok remembered it all.
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"Hey there! I'm Hoseok, but my friends call me Hobi. You're... Min Suga?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well... wanna hang out with me?"

"Um... not really, I, uh, have to study."

"Oh come on, I will not allow you to not have any friends. Of course, I shall be your first!" Hoseok smiled with his signature heart-shaped mouth. 

For some reason, Suga would normally decline, but Hoseok's overwhelmingly bright personality made him do otherwise.

"Fine."

Just like that, Min Suga and Jung Hoseok were friends. 

After 2 years of being close friends, Hoseok started getting butterflies in his stomach whenever he was around Suga. He couldn't help it and didn't know what he was feeling. His face started flushing too whenever Suga would say 'Hobi'.

Then, as another year passed by, Hoseok finally realized he was gay and that he had a major crush on Min Suga. 

"Hobi, can you believe we're actually graduating? Thanks for being my friend for this whole time. I hope we stay close." Suga said with his adorable gummy smile.

"Y-Yeah... friends..." Hoseok was slightly disappointed, but of course still determined to change that.

Still to his dismay, Suga never once looked at Hoseok in the same way he does to Suga. They both didn't date anyone or ever discussed about anything romantic or just relationships in general. Hoseok couldn't help but feel unsure of whether or not Suga was even attracted to guys.

More years pass, and Hoseok's crush on Suga never seemed to fade. Now, of course Suga is pursuing his passion that started in high school: music. He was a small producer, although talented, and people who has heard his work were without a doubt impressed.

Hoseok also found his aspiration to be a dancer, which fit quite well with Suga's job. He was filled with glee to still be with Suga, next to him and a part of him. 

However, being a dancer didn't really come with the best of profits, so instead Hoseok went for another job he quite liked: fashion designing. He started up his own business online and advertised his outfits and pieces. 

The two of them kept a good bond, but didn't see each other too often anymore.

At this time, Kim Namjoon was a substitute teacher who would take odd jobs here and there. Although, it was definitely not his favorite thing to deal with children. In his mind, they were absolute nightmares. So to relieve all his stress, he found an interest in rapping and rap music. 

One day whilst he was scrolling through the internet trying to find some new music to listen to, he came across this one artist named 'Agust D'. This, of course, was none other than Suga. After listening to his songs, Namjoon realized that he just had to meet this 'Agust D'. 

So, he searched up photos and thoroughly scanned his face to have it embedded in his mind. Some rumors say that he also lives around the area that Namjoon lived in, so he was also betting on the fact that he would bump into 'Agust D'.

After a week of trying, Namjoon finally spotted the talented producer in a coffee shop talking with another man who had a smile brighter than the sun.

His eyes lit up as he quickly ran into the shop and made a beeline for the pair.

"So on the way home I- AGHHHH!" Suga jumped in his seat as he turned around to be face to face with a glowing Namjoon.

"OH MY GOSHHHH. IT'S AGUST D!"

"Oh. A-Are you perhaps a fan of me?"

"Oh my gosh. Yes. I finally found you!"

"F-Finally...?"

'I heard you lived around this area so I kind of wandered around the streets for a few days trying to find you."

"Oh wow. Well I mean here you are. I-I don't really know what to do now, I never thought I'd have a fan."

"Oh come on Suga, give him an autograph or something!" Hoseok beamed with pride as he nudged Suga towards the sparkling fan.

"Give me your phone." 

"O-Ok." Namjoon pulled our his phone and gave it to Suga. 

"3...2...1... Say cheese!" Suga took a selfie with Namjoon and calmly handed it back to him.

Namjoon slowly walked away trying to hide his steaming red face, and then it turned into a somewhat gallop out the shop.

"KYAHHHHH! OH MY GOSH." Namjoon was dancing right outside the door where several people turned their heads. He then started to sprint back home to fangirl some more.

"Well. That was one weird fan." Suga looked at Hoseok before taking a sip of his latte.

"Oh come on, you can't blame the poor guy. Plus, ALL fans are like that."

"Heh. It feels kinda good to know that people actually enjoy my music." Suga smiled to himself.

"So... why did you call me out here today?"

"Well... I wanted you to know that I'm pansexual."

"W-Wait... really?"

"Yeah, and I was just trying to figure everything out because I started feeling attraction to men - so I thought I was gay. But then that didn't really sit right with me so I just spent a lot of time thinking and realizing. Now I know for sure that I am pan."

Tears started to pool in Hoseok's eyes as he was overjoyed with the fact he actually had a chance. It wasn't just a dead end anymore.

"I met this really cute guy couple weeks back too. Ahh... he had the cutest smile. I think I might like him, but I don't want to rush anything just yet." A grin crept onto Suga's lips.

Hoseok's heart dropped. He quickly packed up his things as tears threatened to flow out of his eyes.

"S-Sorry Suga I-I s-suddenly remembered that a client actually asked to meet up around this time. Sorry." He grabbed everything and left Suga sitting there with a confused look on his face.

With the tears already down his cheeks, he ran and ran back home. Not looking back.

"I guess I'm just not worth it."